I Hope to be Back

I'm plunking out a really quick post this morning so I dont cause myself to be late for work. 

I don't feel good. I've let myself go.  I've lost focus.  My jeans are getting tighter again....I've gained five pounds in a month and I sure can feel it! I'm not stupid.  I know I've been eating more than I've been working out. 

As I find that the hot summer months are coming to an end (not that this is really true as I look at the weather forecast for the next couple of days including a heat advisory for our area), I look forward to the cool crisp days of autumn that feel good on my skin and start out a little bit chilly.  I look forward to the leaves changing and beautifying my yard.  I look forward to freshness that spring often brings for most people.  But really, the weather is not an excuse. 

My real excuse, which isnt really an excuse but more just a reason, is that I've become lazy!  Lazy in everything.  Lazy in grocery shopping, lazy in preparing food for lunches and opting for going out for lunch instead, lazy in preparing for my upcoming IronGirl Du in less than four weeks, lazy in getting yard work done, lazy in keeping my house clean.  Lazy, lazy, lazy and some more lazy. 

As others in my blogging community are renewing their commitments to a healthy lifestyle, I've decided to do the same.  I will be laying out a plan over the next day or so and be setting some goals and what steps i need to do to get to those goals. 

Thanks

I Just Want to Scream!!

Sometimes I just want to scream...
Sometimes I just want to scream in frustration at my choices! I want to scream about the horrible choices I've been making! I want to scream about the binging! I want to scream about the majority of my time outside of work being spent on the couch! I want to scream that it's cold outside and I can't go for a run! I want to scream when I don't update my blog!

And sometimes I just want to cry about it...
I want to cry to make myself feel better. I want to cry about how much I'm failing. I want to cry when I dont work out and it's bed time. I want to cry when I watch the scale move up or stand still. I want to cry when I feel alone in this. I want to cry after I binge. I want to cry when I realize I'm in denial.

And sometimes I just need to pick myself back up...

I worked out tonight...aerobic for 30 minutes and then Yoga for 40 minutes. I sat down and made monthly calendars for the rest of the year. I crossed today off the calendar as a work out day! I ate a somewhat healthy dinner. I conquered eating carrots without ranch dressing. I am updating my blog. 

And sometimes I dream...

I dream about the day I can complete the burpees on the Wii.

I dream about the day I can go down a pants size. I dream about not being addicted to fast food. I dream about completing my race! I dream about getting up early so I can work out before work.

I scream. I cry. I pick myself back up. I dream.

Calories

So I thought I had a really bad day as far as food goes. I binged a bit at my lunch and went to Subway again, this time ordering a foot long turkey and ham sub which is a whopping 600 calories. AND then I didn't have a diet soda with my meal AND I ate a bag of Cheetos. Now that is bad. I added up my calories for the day and I'm still at a fairly low number of calories. I estimate that I ate 1300 calories today. I didn't think that was all that bad.

I had some delicious crockpot chili for dinner. I love how much the protein in beans fills up my belly. The serving that I did have is making me feel so full right now.

As for the calories, I'm not really sure how much I'm supposed to be eating every day. I suppose I am going to have to figure that out from doing some research.

Watching the Biggest Loser right now.