Starting "Cold Turkey"

I was going to blog last night but since quitting caffeine on Sunday, I am feeling the withdrawal effect super bad yesterday and today. So I just did some reading and went to bed early.  I even didn't watch The Biggest Loser like I always do.  I just wanted to do an update about what I am doing right now. 

I wrote in the beginning of January that I was done with the scale.  Boy was that a mistake.  Even though I have lost weight since then, 4 lbs, I still felt my clothes getting tighter and my body getting wigglier (not sure if that is even a word). So I got back on the scale and it showed that 4 pound loss.  So I'm going back to what I know works for me. I'm tracking my calories and eating as unprocessed as I can. 

That being said, it is also the Lenten season.  I gave up going out for lunch for Lent.  It has always been a crutch for me to go to Subway and eat a foot long sandwich to curb my stress level over my lunch period.  I'll be figuring out how to deal with that stress in different ways. 

So I quit Subway cold turkey.  (I could insert a pun here...but I wont....Cold Turkey....Subway..get it?) 

But instead of making this quitting thing such a negative thought, I am making it a positive moment by "Starting Cold Turkey".   It was my phrase of the day when I was talking to friends and coworkers about it yesterday.  I was overly excited.  After reading some blogs on Sunday night, I just felt really motivated.  Oh, there's also the trip to the Bahamas thats been booked for six weeks from last weekend and also requires a suit. 

So Sunday, I went to the gym for Body Flow, even though I really didn't want to.  I worked the moves as hard as I could so I could reap the benefits.  I planned my eating for Monday and did pretty well except that I was starving by the time I went to the gym that afternoon.  I did an hour on the treadmill at a 5% incline and another 10 minutes on the rowing machine.  Boy that hurt after doing all the pilates moves in Body Flow on Sunday. 

Sorry to cut the post short. I need to get myself ready for work and prepare my lunch. 

Weekly Good Things: December 31 - January 6

I am going to be starting a new weekly post. So even if I cant come up with anything to post, I can find at least a couple of things each week that went well.

There were a couple for this week.

1. I stopped biting my nails cold turkey on December 29th.  I haven't bitten them since. This is a great thing. I have been biting my nails since I was 2 when I stopped sucking my finger. The last time I quite was in Fall of 2011.  The best post I have about my nail biting can be found here.  I'm happy about having 10 days of no biting behind me.

2. I went to the gym this week.  Spinning on Monday, intervals on the treadmill on Wednesday night, Tabata work out on Thursday.  There was the treadmill on Friday, and some more spinning on Saturday morning. I had some pain in my left leg on Sunday so I took a rest day.  That was 5 days of exercise out of seven. I am ecstatic! I changed it up this week with my workouts. Last year, I was finding that I was just sticking to the treadmill to get ready for my half marathon.  I like doing different things for my workouts. It keeps my muscles guessing what is going to happen and it keeps me from getting bored. 

It was a good week!

Done with the Scale

I am done with getting on my scale every day...even every week!  I hate the scale.  I hate the scale when I gain weight but I hate the scale even more when I lose weight.  This seems counter intuitive.  Most people despise the scale when it shows a weight gain. I will not deny that it frustrates me. The gain makes me want to just give up. It's been frustrating me this last week when I have worked out so much but still showed a gain on the scale.  I have to be honest and say my eating has not been on target at all but I wouldn't say that I have been eating any worse then normal so I would think the scale would go down. I am going to blame it on doubling the amount of water I daily drink as well as the muscle gain from my workouts.

But why do I hate the scale more when I lose weight? Because I get content.  I see that lower number on the scale and my brain says "Ok, you lost weight last week, you can take a vacation from watching your calories and have a free-for-all day." Yippie! A free day where I can eat anything I want and I can sit on the couch all day long.  Yippie.

Well that one free day turns into two free days which turns into a free week.  When the time arrives to get back on the scale a week later, I've gained back that lost weight plus then some.  See above for reference to weight gain.

So this is why I am done with the scale, for at least until my annual doctors appointment that usually shows up in March.  That gives me three months of not getting on the scale.  I did get on the scale this morning. 

Last weigh in for three months

I'm sad about that weight. Up 10 lbs since October is pretty lame but I am done with the scale until March.

Mr. Pukey and Tabata

No worries. I am not going to write about vomiting. Nor have I actually vomited to bring up this subject. 

On Sunday night I was craving a work out on the spin bike.  I NEEDED it. I hadn't gone to a spinning class since early November. I really NEEDED it!  I needed it because we haven't gotten my bike up on the trainer yet this year. (Yes, I do know that it is already January and the bike should have been put on the trainer in early November when the first snow flew.)  Thank goodness there was a spinning class at 5:30 on Monday morning because I had to be at work by 7:15.  I yanked my body from the bed at 4:30 to make sure I had ample time to get some food in me and get to the gym early enough to secure a bike under a fan. I was thinking class would be full but it was only about half full so I was able to get the bike I wanted.  I was nervous about this class for two reasons. One was that I had never taken a class with any other instructor except Erin.  I was used to her. This was led by someone new to me.  I had no idea how she structured her class.  The second reason for my nervousness was because I had always skipped the gym on the mornings I have to open at work so I wasn't exactly sure if I would be able to make it to the gym and make it to work on time.  Showering at the gym alleviated that problem. 

The first worry did creep up on me in class.  I wasn't sure how this instructor was going to do things but when she said we were going to do adjusted Tabata Intervals, I was lost. She explained what the intervals were.  She adjusted the intervals from 20secs/10secs to 1min/30 secs.  She also switched up the type of hard riding we were doing during that 1 minute on.  We did a warm up, did intervals for most of the hour and did a 8 minute cool down.  She said we should be close to "Mr. Pukey" when we were pushing ourselves hard.  Oh boy! What did I get myself into that morning?  I pushed myself on the work intervals.  I pushed myself harder than I had ever imagined I would push myself at 5:30 am on a Monday morning before work. I did NOT throw up! Maybe I should have pushed myself a little harder?

I felt amazing after that class.  I barely made it to midnight on New Years Eve.  I was exhausted that night. I was happy to have New Years Day off from work so I could watch the Badgers play in the Rose Bowl, even though they did not win.

The "Mr. Pukey" phrase has come back in my thoughts during my other workouts this week. I did get to the gym last night for an interval work out on the treadmill.  I ran 1 minute at a sprint and then slowed it to a jog for another minute and then a two minute walk.  Rinse, and repeat. The gym was packed with the "resolutioners".  NPR was saying yesterday morning that most people stop going to their gym by the end of March.  This is why I go in the morning when I can, it's quieter.  If I go at night, I want to be there before 4:30.

Tonight, I got out of work late and couldn't make my 4:30 cut off time.  I opted to go home. I was going to do the Biggest Loser on our Wii but that wasn't sounding all too interesting.  So I found some interval training via a friend's Facebook page.  Another person that lives in MN to follow.  Here is her Facebook page. She posts most of her workouts on YouTube.  I opted for the "24 Minute Tabata".  There is that weird word again!  It keeps creeping into my life.

I set up my living room, moved the tables, shut the blinds. I wouldn't want any one to see my haphazard moving around in my house trying these moves.  And thank God my husband wasn't home to see the spectacle that was about to happen.  I watched the whole video first, downloaded an app to my phone for interval timing.  I got that app set up for 20/10.  I watched the first set again, started my timer and started going.  Eh, this wasn't horrible. I was able to do the first couple of rounds.  Then it got hard! I mean really hard.  I couldn't finish the rounds. How come she can make them look so damn easy?! How come my belly is too large for me to get my knees up to my elbows like she can? How come I can't drop my legs far enough down for a jack knife? I hate feeling like this.  No wonder people quit when they can't do it.  I worked as hard as I could. I worked until Mr. Pukey was trying to get my attention. I stopped. I felt my heart pounding. I stopped.  I drank some water. And I just stopped, sat, and listening to my phone beep through the intervals....I failed to complete.  Ugh!

But...I'm not feeling defeated.  It should only get easier at some point. Or at least that's what I hear.  There will be a work out at the gym tomorrow and another one some time this weekend.  And then next week, maybe a week from today, I will try this again, without Mr. Pukey.

Grandma's Oranges

I was reading Sabrina's blog over at Coffee with Sabrina.  I met Sabrina for the first time, well the only time, a year and a half ago when I did that 5k with the blogging group.  (I just realized I never recapped that race or the experience...lame!) I have decided that I need to set some goals for 2013 soon, very soon considering that this 2012 year will be over in a few short days.  But that is a post for another night.  Tonight I write about something a little lighter.

Photo by me

 Oranges!

At one time, I used to hate oranges. I used to hate peeling them, and I still do from my lack of nails.  I really have to change that nail problem. That is, yet again, for another post.  Anyway, I hated eating that white stuff that the peel left behind. It was hard for me to chew and then swallow. I would often choke on it. Plus it never tasted all that great. So I didn't eat oranges that often.  Except when I was at Grandma Vonnie's house in Southern California.  

Many of us over-eaters associate food with memories and emotions.  Oranges hold a special place in my heart and in my memories.  Grandma and Papa W. had a great big orange tree in their back yard in S. California. I grew up listening to stories that my dad would tell us about all the orange trees and groves that used to surround their house when they were kids.  That tree in my grandparent's backyard was somewhat barren in the summer time, when us mid-westerners always think fruit should be plentiful.  But when we would come to visit for Christmas, that orange tree would be full of ripe juicy orange fruit.  Grandma would always make sure she would take time to pull fresh oranges off the tree for a glass, or two, of fresh squeezed juice.  Yummmmm.

So now, when I can get the best California oranges at my local grocery store, I think of these moments.  From when I first break into the thick skin that is hiding sweet and juicy fruit flesh, inhaling the scent of citrus and sweet, to closing my eyes to savor the scent fill my nostrils, the images of those memories comes flooding back. When I slip one of those orange segments into my mouth, allowing my teeth to break into those tiny juice capsules, I savor those moments and wish I could go back to being eight years old, sitting at the woodblock counter in their kitchen.

Mmm. Memories. 

Moments

Belated Merry Christmas to everyone.  I haven't posted for almost two months and I feel like a broken record.  Just a little update on my stomach issues I was writing about on my last post. I continued to have problems through a week off I took around Thanksgiving but by the end of the week, I was doing much better.  I believe it was a bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which runs in my family.  I am currently doing better. 

On the weight loss wagon and back off again.  On and Off.  Currently off.  I've been off for a long time.  There have been too many lunches eaten out and too many time saving meals for dinner.  And, when I usually lose weight over the holidays, I have had a 6 pound gain.  That doesn't really sound like much weight but the inches have crept in.  I can feel it when I run, I can feel it when I put my small jeans on, and I can feel it in my sluggishness.

I stopped coming to Blogger to read my friends' blogs sometime in the beginning of November.  I just couldn't bring myself to put the work into reading all those blogs all the time. It was hard to think about all my friends that are being successful while I am not.  

I always come across these moments that I feel inspired.  Most of the time, the inspiration is not enough to get me to do anything.  I just put it off until Monday then Monday comes and goes and I'm back to not being inspired at all.  Every so often, I find little moments that push me over that edge of not waiting until Monday.  You'd think I would have had one of those moments in early November when I found out my closest friend was having brain surgery later that month. Instead of motivating me to make some changes in my life, it stressed me out.  Her surgery was successful and she is doing well. 

Christmas was hosted at my house this year with just my immediate family and my husband.  I do enjoy entertaining.  There were/are lots of yummy foods around this house, which doesn't help my mission to lose weight.  Most of it is going to end up in the freezer to eat over the next few weeks and months.

I had today, the day after Christmas, off from work.  This morning was spent binging on some of the left overs in our house.  That made me feel great!  I spent the afternoon  addressing envelopes for our Holiday cards that had yet to go out.  We actually had a handful of extras so I was able to broaden my address list a bit.  I took a break from writing out envelopes to peruse some blogs here, stumbling across Becky's writing over at The Fab Miss B. Please go over there and read her writing.  She always knows how to say things in just the right way that makes you relate.  Or she makes you think,  "I was thinking the same thing, but just didn't know how to say it!" Becky's father-in-law was in a bicycle accident recently (October but I wasn't reading blogs at that point so I missed it).  I was reading her entry this afternoon about the accident and it really just touched home with me for some reason. It may be that it was a bicycle accident (one of my passions).  But deep down I know what really touched me was some of her words about him. 

"I have been so angry with him, since before this accident even happened. I was so angry about his lack of dignity, his lack of will to pull himself together and face the problems that he had created by ignoring problems for so many years. I still am angry about all of that. But seeing him in this bed, and knowing that he is alive, I know beyond a doubt that I don't want him to die. I want him alive, I want to see him hold my little babies some day, I want to hear him tell his stories about growing up in Millard, Nebraska. I want to watch him jut out his chin in that pompous and silly way as he and E and I sit around the patio table discussing the universe, travel, the point of art, the meaning of life. I had no idea of the depth of my love until now. I was so blind, I thought a few bad choices could turn it all sour. But what is any of that compared with his one wild and precious life? His life? What is worth more than that?"

 So I take these little moments to heart.  I took this moment to put on my gym clothes and at the gym, I ran hard. I ran fast.  I pushed myself until my legs hurt and couldn't go any further because I knew I deserved to take care of myself.  And thinking of Becky's experience at her father-in-law's bedside, comparing it to my experience at my friend's hospital bedside in November, I don't want to be in my own hospital bed because I didn't take care of myself.  I deserve to be healthy. My husband deserves a healthy wife. My parents deserve a healthy child that will be able to help them in their old age. And my future children deserve a healthy mother.

This post as been rambling with odds and ends.  I hope to maintain this passion and find a way to focus it over the next few days and weeks.  

Stomach: What's Wrong?

I know I've been MIA for far too many weeks, over a month actually.  There have been some successes, some failures, some trying new things, and some not feeling so well.  I want to touch on some of the other things in another post but for tonight, I'm writing about the not feeling well.

I was doing so well, and feeling amazing, the first few weeks of October when I was doing the October Unprocessed challenge.  I was losing significant amounts of weight. I felt so energetic.  I even felt like my sense of smell was getting better!  I fell of the wagon half way through week three of the challenge.  I find myself not writing in my blog when I feel I've been unsuccessful.  So if there is any wonder why I am not writing, it's usually because I know I screwed up somewhere and am having issues getting back on track.

The last few weeks have been horrible as far as eating.  My working out hasn't been horrible as I have been getting to the gym a few times a week and even picked up spinning (for another post).  I've been pay attention to what's been going into my mouth to an extent. I've been trying to eat unprocessed as much as I can but my portions have gotten out of control.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling well since about two weeks ago.  I'm not eating anything differently before starting the challenge, except for some mostly unprocessed bread I found at the grocery store. It's not a run down sort of feeling. It's a physically ill sort of feeling; a constant bathroom need feeling.  There are good days, days where I don't even know why I was sick the day before.  But then there are days where I can only get off the couch for a quick walk to the bathroom.  There was a day where even walking hurt, but I had to go to work.  But the next day, I was fine.  This weekend, I was fine, until this afternoon, when I started feeling gross again.  I don't think this is a stomach bug.  I'm not sick every day.

My husband is encouraging me to go to the doctor but I know they are just going to tell me to eat some yogurt and drink more water (which I have been doing). I've always been sensitive to high fat foods but I haven't eaten any of those foods over the recent days.  Activia has been working, or so I thought.  A doctor is just going tell me to write down all the food I take in and how I feel throughout the day.  I can do that without going to their office. That is the plan for this week: Eat, write it down, and write about my reactions.

I worry about possibly a developing allergy to gluten or Celiac disease. I have noticed my worst days are where I've been eating a lot of bread products.  The only bread-like carbs I was eating when I was doing the unprocessed challenge was whole wheat pasta and I was not having any intestinal issues.  So it could have nothing to do with gluten issues.

A few years ago, I did get food poisoning, which damaged the villi in my small intestine and I was sick every morning for a couple of months after the initial problem.  This feels similar to that but I was sick everyday then.   That problem cleared its self with pro-biotic yogurt and time.  I really think this has something to do with something I've been eating.

I'll keep this updated with information about how I am feeling.  We had to cancel dinner plans with some friends tonight.  That is always a bummer.