A July Challenge

I know, I know. I never wrote a recap on the last day of my MS 150 ride. It will write it in the next couple of days.

Tomorrow is the first day of July.  I am starting up a challenge for my husband and me.  We have both noticed somethings over the past few months.  Two things mostly: our wallet has gotten a little tighter over the summer months and so have our belts. 

I came up with a great way to overcome this. For the month of July, we are going to be eating at home.  That means not going out...as much. We both currently spend our lunch hours going out and, about 3 times a week, we end up going out for dinner.  I often stop for breakfast on my way to work.  This is a lot of money AND a lot of calories.  Just like all the diet gurus say, you should have a cheat day.  So I am allowing us to go out for one dinner, or one lunch, each week.  There are of course exceptions.  If Pat is traveling, he doesn't have the opportunity to eat at home.

My little part of this will be to take on clean eating.  I won't go completely clean.  I will allow myself some leeway such as store bought whole wheat bread and Greek yogurt.  When I focused on clean eating last October, I noticed major differences in how I felt, my weight and even things as increased sense of smell.  Mainly really excited about eliminating soda and sugar. 

I plan on tracking via MyFitnessPal and also using SparkPeople.com. 

I know my main challenge will be planning ahead. Sometimes I just get lazy and I don't feel like making anything after a long day at work.  I will also have to find ways to keep lunches from getting boring. I usually do pretty well with leftovers.   

I have yet to come up with something to reward myself with at the end of this challenge.  Any ideas?

From Proctor to Hinckley: A Tale of Two Crashes

I was spending this evening staring at the TV until a thunderstorm rolled through that killed our satellite signal. So I decided to turn off the tube, turn on some music, and write while I listen to the thunder and the rain outside my windows.

I promised to write part II of my cycling adventure this past weekend so hear it is.

We were so lucky with the weather on Friday night into Saturday morning.  There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temp only dropped into the lower 50s. Wow, such a change from prior years when the tent and grass surrounding it were covered in frost.  It was definitely a welcomed change.  We were awake and up by 4:30 when everyone else around us started rustling in their tents. I never sleep well on the ground so I did not get a full night's rest but I was up anyway.  Dad and I assessed the weather and dressed appropriately.  There was a chance for rain so we had our rain gear in tow.  We got our teeth brushed and broke down the tent, packing things away. The MS 150 organizers allow each rider two pieces of luggage, which we both utilized. Camping gear sure does take up a ton of room.  The other great thing the organizers do is transport your luggage from Proctor to Hinckley, and then again from Hinckley to our final destination in White Bear Lake.  After we got our baggage on the truck, we decided to skip the lines for the complementary pancake breakfast and get on the road.  The ride didn't officially start until 6:30 but we departed right around 6:00 to beat the crowds.  There were 3,800 riders this year!  That's a lot of people to share the road with.

We were off! The air was a little chilly and the side roads we certainly bumpy.  Because of last year's flooding in Duluth (pictures) we had to delay our entrance onto the Willard Munger State Trail.  This year's high rains still made some of the rivers a sight to be seen.  We finally hopped on the trail in the town of Carlton where our first rest stop was located. Ride organizers place rest stops every 10-15 miles along the route. It's helpful to break down the ride into smaller segments; it doesn't seem so daunting.

The ride was going smoothly until we got to a curvy part in the trail.  Most of the trail is an old rail line so, as you can guess, the trail is pretty flat and very straight. These curvy hills really snuck up on us with no warning.  They were fast and fun. That is until we came up on a group of people stopping us at the top of a hill.  A rider was on the ground off to the side of the trail. Another man was holding his head still and blood was dripping heavily from his nose.  A few other riders were stopped on their cell phones.  We jumped off our bikes and started walking, along with the other cyclists that had been riding near us.  We were told an ambulance had been called and was coming.  That was true.  We were forced off our bikes again, happily, when we encountered the emergency vehicle a few miles up the trail.  We later heard that he was passing another cyclist on one of the uphill climbs and the person he was passing lost control of his bike and swung out in front of him, hitting his tire and causing him to crash.  As far as we heard, he broke his collar bone but was going to be alright. 

At the last rest stop, Dad and I slipped in with a group of riders that said they average about 15-16 mph, just a little faster than our 14mph averages we typically ride.  We were keeping good pace with them for the last 12 mile leg of the ride into Hinckley until we came up on the second crash of the day.  This time though the trail had been shut down with a SAG vehicle blocking the path at an intersection.  We were told there was a multi-rider crash about a mile up the trail and they were not letting us through until it was cleared.  Understandable.  Dad and I waited for about ten minutes before we decided there had to be a detour around the crash.  We asked some of the support volunteers where the highway was.  We found out it was just half a mile from where we were.  We were warned by the SAG that we would not be supported.  I dont think they realized that we never ride supported and that we would be fine.  Dad, another rider from our team, and myself set out on a great adventure down the highway.  We soon found that a lot of the rest of the stuck crowd followed us. We were sure glad we did that. We later heard that riders that stayed waited another hour and a half after we left. The crash made the local news.   We also found out that one of the members of our team was involved but was deemed alright with a concussion.

We soon found our way into Hinckley.  Saturday's festivities were being held on Grand Casino's grounds.  Our team tent was set up with tables, chairs, pig roast and beer.  Oh! That beer certainly tasted wonderful!  I had one as we were walking to the shower trucks (semi trailers set up with shower stalls) and another soon after my shower.  There is nothing as good as a hot shower and a cold beer after riding 73 miles on a bike in one day.  Mom and Alyssa drove to Hinckley to join us for dinner in the tent. There were awards given, more beer drank, and a team picture taken.  Since it was supposed to rain early in the morning, Dad and I opted to set up our tend under the big top.  After the tables and chairs were broken down in the team tent, we set up shop, along with 5-6 other campers that didn't want to brave the rain in the morning.

Join me next time for Part 3.  "From Hinckley to White Bear Lake: Mostly Rain and a SAG Wagon

C.H. Robinson MN MS 150 2013: Part I

Well, I did it! I completed the 2013 MS 150 mile bike ride.  I'm a little achy and a little stiff but it was so worth it AND I had a great time with my dad.   I don't have many pictures from the weekend so I'll just recap the ride.

I drove to the Twin Cities on Thursday afternoon.  I wanted to make sure I didn't feel rushed getting to Century College on Friday afternoon.  After running some last minute errands on Friday morning, Dad and I loaded up the car with our bikes and gear and set off. 

Sporting Team Donaldson jerseys.

This is the first year I rode with a team.  I chose to ride with Team Donaldson because my dad works for Donaldson.  This year, Team Donaldson was the largest team with 278 team members and we raised over $220,000.  I will tell you my individual results at the end of my post. 

My dad and I were lucky enough to get on the first bus to Duluth.  It was great to get to Proctor early so that we could pick any camp site we wanted for our tent.  There are tons of hotel options in Duluth, which is just down the interstate, but we always choose to camp out. There is something about freezing in the cold June air with other strangers snoring around you.  We end up camping in Hinckley too.  We realized while we were setting up our tent that we managed to forget the tent stakes at home.  We figured there was a hardware store in town that might have some that they would sell us. Our camping neighbors had some extras they lent to us so our tent wouldn't blow away in the mean time.  We did find some stakes at the store and, since we were in town, we ventured out to find some dinner. We found that most of the eating establishments in Proctor were shut down, probably due to poor economic times.  We ended up at the Moose Lodge where they had some great people serving amazing hamburger baskets for $5.

On the way back to camp, we picked up our bikes from the corral and stopped to talk to the guys at the Erik's Bike Shop tent about getting my aero bars taped up (which I had forgotten to do before we left.) Since they were so bored (not many riders had gotten into town yet), we decided to have them fit both of us for bike seats for future purchases, as well as adjust our bikes to make sure they will ride great in the morning.  Thanks Erik's!  We were soon back in our tent, all staked down so it wouldn't blow away in the dark.  We settled down for the night at 9pm knowing we would have to get up around 4:30 to start packing to make a 6:00 start.

Stop by tomorrow for the first leg of the ride, "From Proctor to Hinckley: A Tale of Two Crashes".

Time to Find My Feet

*This is a blog entry that has been bouncing around in my head for a few weeks but I haven't had the strength or the discipline to actually type it out. This entry was also going to have a very negative mood until I started writing it and felt it change.*

I've noticed many of my fellow fitness and weight loss bloggers have had similar posts recently.  I suppose, for some of us, it's the time of year. The snow is finally melted, the trees and flowers are starting to bloom.  It's a time of rising out of the dark days of Winter and into cool early mornings of Spring. It's cracking my front door and feeling the warm sun on my face. It's a time to get  It's a time for something fresh, something new.

The nicer weather has allowed me to put some miles on my bike for my up coming ride. I have also put some time into my overwhelming yard, raking last fall's neglected leaves, weeding out patches in the front and the back, and reseeding the dead spots caused by the insane drought last summer.

Through all of this, I have noticed I feel different. I feel sluggish and tired.  These feelings keep me eating out and eating a lot, which makes me feel even more sluggish and more tired.  It's a horrible cycle.  Even though I could do more, my working out has been acceptable.  I have no problems motivating myself to get outside.

Here is the real problem: FOOD!  I have an issue with food. I have an addiction to food! I keep making excuses. "I'm too tired, let's go out. I'm too lazy, I'll just make a frozen pizza. I worked hard today, I deserve this. Hubby is out of town, I'll just stop by Culver's on my way home from work.  Everything is frozen, I'll just eat nothing." Ugh! It's enough to make me want to rip my hair out.  It's enough to notice the numbers on the scale reflect a weight that I haven't seen in five years.  

It's even to the point where it is hard for me to publicize goals because I don't want to disappoint myself or my readers with not following through. It's a horrible feeling to say that but it's oh so true.  I've set so many goals here weight loss wise and have rarely followed through. What would be the difference this time?  It makes me want to cry.  I dont really know if proclaiming my goals here really makes any difference unless I really really REALLY want to follow through on those goals. 

This time I do really really REALLY want to follow through on those goals. Thing is, I'm still not going to post them here until I really get my feet under me.  These goals are for myself.  I am the one that has to live with them and live with not following through on them. 

So here is to finding my feet, putting them under myself and moving forward! Updates to come.

Bike MS: A Fundraising Challenge!

I originally planned on writing some posts about my previous MS150 bike rides before I placed a fundraising goal but last night while I was plugging away at some miles on my trainer, I got to thinking that I should pose a fundraising challenge, for myself and you, my readers.

This challenge goes beyond anything I've ever done before.  I had originally set my fundraising goal to $500, just a mere $200 above the minimum required to do the ride.  One of my years, I just paid the minimum out-of-pocket because I couldn't bring myself to ask my friends and family for money. Just now I've upped the goal to $1000.  Is that achievable?  I certainly think so.

So, besides raising money for Multiple Sclerosis research, here is my little fundraising challenge to you.  For each dollar raised, I commit to riding one mile per $1 raised over the course of this summer.  That means, if I raise $1000, I have committed myself to riding 1000 miles on my bike this upcoming season.  I don't know if I have ever put that many miles on my bike in one season!!!  So far, I have raised $225 ($100 of that being my own money).  I'm definitely riding 225 miles!  

My mileage will be achieved during outdoor rides as well as rides on my trainer on rare gloomy days of summer.  Also, I love my spinning class at the gym and plan on logging those classes as mileage too (with a conservative guess of 15 miles per class). If you are willing to support me in this ride, I'm sure you will be looking for proof of my mileage.  Well, I plan on giving it to you. I will post my Garmin data on here and on my Facebook page after each ride. I will also document it with pictures. 

I completed 14 miles on my trainer last night. Click here to check it out.
Only 211 more miles to go!

Please support me!  I'm putting in the work this summer to support Multiple Sclerosis research.  

It's More Than a Ride

Ofcourse it's more than a ride when you know multiple people that are suffering with the terrible disease of Multiple Sclerosis.  When I first started doing this ride, I believe it was summer 2002, I did it as a goal to reach.  Essentially it was a weight loss and fitness goal to see if I could actually do it.  My Dad committed to doing the ride with me.  I raised the minimum amount required for the ride and set off on an adventure. The second ride was summer 2006.  I will be writing about those experiences in future posts. I will also write about why I am riding this year and what you can do to help me in my fundraising goals. 

For now, here is my fundraising page.  It's pretty basic but gets to the point. 

What do you know about MS?

French Fries, Pizza and Hockey Stops

There are really only three things to learn in skiing:  how to put on your skis, how to slide downhill, and how to walk along the hospital corridor.  

~Lord Mancroft, A Chinaman in the Bath, 1974

I took a step out of my comfort box again yesterday to go skiing with some of the staff at work.  I can't say I'm absolutely brand new to skiing. I have now skied (downhill) a total of 4 times over the past twenty years and, while in high school, I was on the Nordic Ski team.  Some if the techniques came back to me fairly quickly. What was incredibly uplifting about the experience I had lastnight was watching my staff that had never skied before.  

Let me go back a little bit here.  My manager and I were trying to come up with some different options for our branch Holiday gathering.  Every year since I have been there (8 now), we have gone bowling.  We threw in ideas of going to Medieval Times, going to a dinner theatre, a comedy club, a concert.  But come on, it's Winter in Wisconsin.  How about doing something outside.  So I threw in the idea of going downhill skiing and Chuck jumped at it.  

I later found out that all of us were inexperienced skiers or brand new to the sport, having never strapped into a pair of ski boots.  I knew this would be interesting if staff was into trying it.  They did want to try it! Yesterday afternoon, we pulled into the parking lot at Tyrol Basin, bought our lift tickets and picked up our rented equipment.  Then came the hill.  

It seems it was easy to take for granted those three previous experiences on the hills.  It took me a moment to remember how to skate, how to make a pizza shape with my skis and snow plow to stop.   I picked up these things easily, my coworkers did not.  We initially did not plan to get lessons for the staff but within moments, it was obvious they were needed.  My hubby, being the most experienced skier, was being gracious in his attempt to teach four newbies how to stay upright on their skis.  

It was exciting to watch them attempted the bunny hill for the first time.  I was impressed with the range of emotions that crossed their faces.  There was nervousness, fear, excitement, embarrassment from falling, and determination to get back up on their skis and do it all over again. There were multiple falls and helping hands to get them back on their feet.  I remember smiles, patience, and words of encouragement.  I remember team building.  This was team building I just didn't expect.  

There will be stories to recall at work come Monday.  I'm hopeful that all of those new skiers will go back for more in the future.  Maybe this will become a new tradition?

A New Experience

After my last post about an acquaintance that has been battling cancer, I decided I need to live each day a little differently. I know I have written before about my anxiety about trying new things, especially by myself. (I'm unable to find the post at this moment.) So, yesterday being Monday, I get off of work somewhat early in the afternoon, sometime between 3:00 and 4:00 depending on how busy it is.  I headed to the gym, thinking I was just going to do a walk/jog on the treadmill.  Well, I looked at the class schedule when I walked in the door and noticed they had a class at 4:05.  It was a class that I had been wanting to take but didn't have the nerve to step into a session. 

Now, my mental talk was all over the place.  Mostly it was "Just do it Amy. Be brave, do it, go out of your comfort zone." I went into the locker room, my nerves high strung as all can be. My mouth was dry, I dressed fast.  I wanted to be early so I could set myself up in the back of the room.  I didn't want anyone to know I was new at this.  I locked my locker and ran upstairs to the room.  I walked in, picked out a place at the back of the room and set my towel, waterbottle, iPhone and keys down.  I looked at what the other women in the room were setting up. I followed their lead. 

I stood in the room, with a step and watched people grab a bar and some weights. Which weights was I supposed to get.  I looked at the rack of weights. Ugh!  How many weights did I need?  I thought to myself for that awkward moment that I should just leave.  I texted Christina, told her I was freaking out.  I then worked up the nerve to tell another girl this was my first time and I had no idea what I was doing.  She politely smiled and said "There was a first time for everyone."  Thank you for being so nice and understanding and not looking at my like I'm an idiot!  She guided me through picking out some lighter weights. She said that she worked with 5 and 2.5lb weights through her whole workout the first few times she took the class.  She said, unless I had been lifting quite a bit already, the weights should be enough and I would feel it during the workout.  She also guided me in grabbing a mat for the bench work we would be doing on the steps.  I thanked her for her help.  I was beyond grateful.  I hope to be able to pay it forward to someone else in the future.

While I waited for the classroom to fill up, I texted Christina back and forth, telling her about my anxiety. It helped settle me down a bit and to get focused on the class.  I would say the room was about half full which didn't surprise me because most people were probably still working at that point in the day. I was happy with my place in the back until the instructor asked if there was anyone new.  I didn't even think and shot my hand up in the air. "Oh please be nice to me." She congratulated me for coming (um ok), had the class give me an applause (please find me a hole to hide in), and then gave me some instructions for using the bar and when to use body weight only with no bar (ok, thanks!).

And class started... and I got through it.  I felt like it was super easy at first and then realized that as my muscles got tired that it really was a hard full body workout.  I knew I would be hurting in the morning. Ofcourse, it was going to be a good healthy hurt.  In my subconscious, I knew the class would be worth it when I walked out of there and it definitely was.  Now just to get my husband to give the class a try....

 (Source)

**If you are curious, the class I tried was a Les Mills Body Pump class.**

Only 30: A Reality Check

30 years.  30 years old seemed really old when I was 15.  Now 30 seems like the new 25...or something. I've been 30 for over six months. So I'm not writing this because it's my birthday or anything.  I'm writing because 30 is just too damn young to be dying! 

Most people in my age group have lost at least one grandparent but we have time to prepare for those events.  I'm not saying that losing a grandparent isn't hard, I've coped with losing two of mine so far.  Unfortunately, some of us have even lost one or both of our parents. These family members are older and far wiser than us, we know it's going to happen some time or another.  But really, 30 is too young to be dying!

A friend of a dear college friend of mine is 30 and is suffering from cervical cancer.  (I will be not using names to respect the privacy of her friends/family.) At this moment her family and friends are gathered at her bedside to spend a few last moments with her.  This woman and I have met only a few times at social gatherings and our mutual friend's wedding.  Even though I am not close to this person, this situation is really hitting me emotionally.  While on a recent trip home to the Twin Cities, I was able to sit down with my friend to get an update on her friend.  It was intense to see the emotions she was dealing with.  I had similar feelings when another friend's mother passed away four years ago from brain cancer.  There's a sense of not having any control.  And there's the moments when I think about how would I react if I was in their situations. 

How would I deal with it if it was me? I wonder if I have completed the things I wanted to do.  Have I been good enough to myself?  Then I really got to thinking that I don't respect my body enough.  I throw a bunch of junk in my body.  I only have this body for a certain amount of time, and no one knows how long that is. It is time to start taking care of myself better. It is time I spend a ton of time with family and with friends because in the end, they are the ones that will be standing next to my bedside when the end is near. 

I thought I would have more to write on this subject.  The whole thing has scared me. I wanted to think that we were still invincible at 30.  I know I'm not, I just wasn't ready to admit it. 

Hidden Binges

I have a little confession.  I hide my eating.  Can't believe it?  Why would anyone want to hide the food they eat from the world, especially their binges?  Because if other people didn't see it, it didn't happen.  That's how it works....really. 

I don't really know why I find this so humiliating but it is incredibly embarrassing to admit that I hide my binges. I know it's really a common occurrence among people who binge.  They usually binge in private.  I've even had moments at work where someone is in there with me and I will be more careful about what I am eating but once they leave, out comes the food hardcore.  The other thing is that I am doing it completely consciously.  I think "Please get out of here so I can eat all the food."  I sound like an animal.  It's bad. 

I've been tracking my food again using MyFitnessPal.com. I recently figured out that I could leave my diary so that my friends could see it.  I have found that it really makes me think more about what I am putting into my mouth if I know someone is going to be looking at it.  Sure, I can chose not to log what I ate that day but then how am I helping myself with this problem. I'm not. 

I know I will have great days and I know I will have not so great days.  

So if you want to see what I am eating throughout my days, join myfitnesspal, start logging your food and workouts, and start following me. 

Starting "Cold Turkey"

I was going to blog last night but since quitting caffeine on Sunday, I am feeling the withdrawal effect super bad yesterday and today. So I just did some reading and went to bed early.  I even didn't watch The Biggest Loser like I always do.  I just wanted to do an update about what I am doing right now. 

I wrote in the beginning of January that I was done with the scale.  Boy was that a mistake.  Even though I have lost weight since then, 4 lbs, I still felt my clothes getting tighter and my body getting wigglier (not sure if that is even a word). So I got back on the scale and it showed that 4 pound loss.  So I'm going back to what I know works for me. I'm tracking my calories and eating as unprocessed as I can. 

That being said, it is also the Lenten season.  I gave up going out for lunch for Lent.  It has always been a crutch for me to go to Subway and eat a foot long sandwich to curb my stress level over my lunch period.  I'll be figuring out how to deal with that stress in different ways. 

So I quit Subway cold turkey.  (I could insert a pun here...but I wont....Cold Turkey....Subway..get it?) 

But instead of making this quitting thing such a negative thought, I am making it a positive moment by "Starting Cold Turkey".   It was my phrase of the day when I was talking to friends and coworkers about it yesterday.  I was overly excited.  After reading some blogs on Sunday night, I just felt really motivated.  Oh, there's also the trip to the Bahamas thats been booked for six weeks from last weekend and also requires a suit. 

So Sunday, I went to the gym for Body Flow, even though I really didn't want to.  I worked the moves as hard as I could so I could reap the benefits.  I planned my eating for Monday and did pretty well except that I was starving by the time I went to the gym that afternoon.  I did an hour on the treadmill at a 5% incline and another 10 minutes on the rowing machine.  Boy that hurt after doing all the pilates moves in Body Flow on Sunday. 

Sorry to cut the post short. I need to get myself ready for work and prepare my lunch. 

Weekly Good Things: December 31 - January 6

I am going to be starting a new weekly post. So even if I cant come up with anything to post, I can find at least a couple of things each week that went well.

There were a couple for this week.

1. I stopped biting my nails cold turkey on December 29th.  I haven't bitten them since. This is a great thing. I have been biting my nails since I was 2 when I stopped sucking my finger. The last time I quite was in Fall of 2011.  The best post I have about my nail biting can be found here.  I'm happy about having 10 days of no biting behind me.

2. I went to the gym this week.  Spinning on Monday, intervals on the treadmill on Wednesday night, Tabata work out on Thursday.  There was the treadmill on Friday, and some more spinning on Saturday morning. I had some pain in my left leg on Sunday so I took a rest day.  That was 5 days of exercise out of seven. I am ecstatic! I changed it up this week with my workouts. Last year, I was finding that I was just sticking to the treadmill to get ready for my half marathon.  I like doing different things for my workouts. It keeps my muscles guessing what is going to happen and it keeps me from getting bored. 

It was a good week!

Done with the Scale

I am done with getting on my scale every day...even every week!  I hate the scale.  I hate the scale when I gain weight but I hate the scale even more when I lose weight.  This seems counter intuitive.  Most people despise the scale when it shows a weight gain. I will not deny that it frustrates me. The gain makes me want to just give up. It's been frustrating me this last week when I have worked out so much but still showed a gain on the scale.  I have to be honest and say my eating has not been on target at all but I wouldn't say that I have been eating any worse then normal so I would think the scale would go down. I am going to blame it on doubling the amount of water I daily drink as well as the muscle gain from my workouts.

But why do I hate the scale more when I lose weight? Because I get content.  I see that lower number on the scale and my brain says "Ok, you lost weight last week, you can take a vacation from watching your calories and have a free-for-all day." Yippie! A free day where I can eat anything I want and I can sit on the couch all day long.  Yippie.

Well that one free day turns into two free days which turns into a free week.  When the time arrives to get back on the scale a week later, I've gained back that lost weight plus then some.  See above for reference to weight gain.

So this is why I am done with the scale, for at least until my annual doctors appointment that usually shows up in March.  That gives me three months of not getting on the scale.  I did get on the scale this morning. 

Last weigh in for three months

I'm sad about that weight. Up 10 lbs since October is pretty lame but I am done with the scale until March.

Mr. Pukey and Tabata

No worries. I am not going to write about vomiting. Nor have I actually vomited to bring up this subject. 

On Sunday night I was craving a work out on the spin bike.  I NEEDED it. I hadn't gone to a spinning class since early November. I really NEEDED it!  I needed it because we haven't gotten my bike up on the trainer yet this year. (Yes, I do know that it is already January and the bike should have been put on the trainer in early November when the first snow flew.)  Thank goodness there was a spinning class at 5:30 on Monday morning because I had to be at work by 7:15.  I yanked my body from the bed at 4:30 to make sure I had ample time to get some food in me and get to the gym early enough to secure a bike under a fan. I was thinking class would be full but it was only about half full so I was able to get the bike I wanted.  I was nervous about this class for two reasons. One was that I had never taken a class with any other instructor except Erin.  I was used to her. This was led by someone new to me.  I had no idea how she structured her class.  The second reason for my nervousness was because I had always skipped the gym on the mornings I have to open at work so I wasn't exactly sure if I would be able to make it to the gym and make it to work on time.  Showering at the gym alleviated that problem. 

The first worry did creep up on me in class.  I wasn't sure how this instructor was going to do things but when she said we were going to do adjusted Tabata Intervals, I was lost. She explained what the intervals were.  She adjusted the intervals from 20secs/10secs to 1min/30 secs.  She also switched up the type of hard riding we were doing during that 1 minute on.  We did a warm up, did intervals for most of the hour and did a 8 minute cool down.  She said we should be close to "Mr. Pukey" when we were pushing ourselves hard.  Oh boy! What did I get myself into that morning?  I pushed myself on the work intervals.  I pushed myself harder than I had ever imagined I would push myself at 5:30 am on a Monday morning before work. I did NOT throw up! Maybe I should have pushed myself a little harder?

I felt amazing after that class.  I barely made it to midnight on New Years Eve.  I was exhausted that night. I was happy to have New Years Day off from work so I could watch the Badgers play in the Rose Bowl, even though they did not win.

The "Mr. Pukey" phrase has come back in my thoughts during my other workouts this week. I did get to the gym last night for an interval work out on the treadmill.  I ran 1 minute at a sprint and then slowed it to a jog for another minute and then a two minute walk.  Rinse, and repeat. The gym was packed with the "resolutioners".  NPR was saying yesterday morning that most people stop going to their gym by the end of March.  This is why I go in the morning when I can, it's quieter.  If I go at night, I want to be there before 4:30.

Tonight, I got out of work late and couldn't make my 4:30 cut off time.  I opted to go home. I was going to do the Biggest Loser on our Wii but that wasn't sounding all too interesting.  So I found some interval training via a friend's Facebook page.  Another person that lives in MN to follow.  Here is her Facebook page. She posts most of her workouts on YouTube.  I opted for the "24 Minute Tabata".  There is that weird word again!  It keeps creeping into my life.

I set up my living room, moved the tables, shut the blinds. I wouldn't want any one to see my haphazard moving around in my house trying these moves.  And thank God my husband wasn't home to see the spectacle that was about to happen.  I watched the whole video first, downloaded an app to my phone for interval timing.  I got that app set up for 20/10.  I watched the first set again, started my timer and started going.  Eh, this wasn't horrible. I was able to do the first couple of rounds.  Then it got hard! I mean really hard.  I couldn't finish the rounds. How come she can make them look so damn easy?! How come my belly is too large for me to get my knees up to my elbows like she can? How come I can't drop my legs far enough down for a jack knife? I hate feeling like this.  No wonder people quit when they can't do it.  I worked as hard as I could. I worked until Mr. Pukey was trying to get my attention. I stopped. I felt my heart pounding. I stopped.  I drank some water. And I just stopped, sat, and listening to my phone beep through the intervals....I failed to complete.  Ugh!

But...I'm not feeling defeated.  It should only get easier at some point. Or at least that's what I hear.  There will be a work out at the gym tomorrow and another one some time this weekend.  And then next week, maybe a week from today, I will try this again, without Mr. Pukey.

Grandma's Oranges

I was reading Sabrina's blog over at Coffee with Sabrina.  I met Sabrina for the first time, well the only time, a year and a half ago when I did that 5k with the blogging group.  (I just realized I never recapped that race or the experience...lame!) I have decided that I need to set some goals for 2013 soon, very soon considering that this 2012 year will be over in a few short days.  But that is a post for another night.  Tonight I write about something a little lighter.

Photo by me

 Oranges!

At one time, I used to hate oranges. I used to hate peeling them, and I still do from my lack of nails.  I really have to change that nail problem. That is, yet again, for another post.  Anyway, I hated eating that white stuff that the peel left behind. It was hard for me to chew and then swallow. I would often choke on it. Plus it never tasted all that great. So I didn't eat oranges that often.  Except when I was at Grandma Vonnie's house in Southern California.  

Many of us over-eaters associate food with memories and emotions.  Oranges hold a special place in my heart and in my memories.  Grandma and Papa W. had a great big orange tree in their back yard in S. California. I grew up listening to stories that my dad would tell us about all the orange trees and groves that used to surround their house when they were kids.  That tree in my grandparent's backyard was somewhat barren in the summer time, when us mid-westerners always think fruit should be plentiful.  But when we would come to visit for Christmas, that orange tree would be full of ripe juicy orange fruit.  Grandma would always make sure she would take time to pull fresh oranges off the tree for a glass, or two, of fresh squeezed juice.  Yummmmm.

So now, when I can get the best California oranges at my local grocery store, I think of these moments.  From when I first break into the thick skin that is hiding sweet and juicy fruit flesh, inhaling the scent of citrus and sweet, to closing my eyes to savor the scent fill my nostrils, the images of those memories comes flooding back. When I slip one of those orange segments into my mouth, allowing my teeth to break into those tiny juice capsules, I savor those moments and wish I could go back to being eight years old, sitting at the woodblock counter in their kitchen.

Mmm. Memories. 

Moments

Belated Merry Christmas to everyone.  I haven't posted for almost two months and I feel like a broken record.  Just a little update on my stomach issues I was writing about on my last post. I continued to have problems through a week off I took around Thanksgiving but by the end of the week, I was doing much better.  I believe it was a bad case of Irritable Bowel Syndrome, which runs in my family.  I am currently doing better. 

On the weight loss wagon and back off again.  On and Off.  Currently off.  I've been off for a long time.  There have been too many lunches eaten out and too many time saving meals for dinner.  And, when I usually lose weight over the holidays, I have had a 6 pound gain.  That doesn't really sound like much weight but the inches have crept in.  I can feel it when I run, I can feel it when I put my small jeans on, and I can feel it in my sluggishness.

I stopped coming to Blogger to read my friends' blogs sometime in the beginning of November.  I just couldn't bring myself to put the work into reading all those blogs all the time. It was hard to think about all my friends that are being successful while I am not.  

I always come across these moments that I feel inspired.  Most of the time, the inspiration is not enough to get me to do anything.  I just put it off until Monday then Monday comes and goes and I'm back to not being inspired at all.  Every so often, I find little moments that push me over that edge of not waiting until Monday.  You'd think I would have had one of those moments in early November when I found out my closest friend was having brain surgery later that month. Instead of motivating me to make some changes in my life, it stressed me out.  Her surgery was successful and she is doing well. 

Christmas was hosted at my house this year with just my immediate family and my husband.  I do enjoy entertaining.  There were/are lots of yummy foods around this house, which doesn't help my mission to lose weight.  Most of it is going to end up in the freezer to eat over the next few weeks and months.

I had today, the day after Christmas, off from work.  This morning was spent binging on some of the left overs in our house.  That made me feel great!  I spent the afternoon  addressing envelopes for our Holiday cards that had yet to go out.  We actually had a handful of extras so I was able to broaden my address list a bit.  I took a break from writing out envelopes to peruse some blogs here, stumbling across Becky's writing over at The Fab Miss B. Please go over there and read her writing.  She always knows how to say things in just the right way that makes you relate.  Or she makes you think,  "I was thinking the same thing, but just didn't know how to say it!" Becky's father-in-law was in a bicycle accident recently (October but I wasn't reading blogs at that point so I missed it).  I was reading her entry this afternoon about the accident and it really just touched home with me for some reason. It may be that it was a bicycle accident (one of my passions).  But deep down I know what really touched me was some of her words about him. 

"I have been so angry with him, since before this accident even happened. I was so angry about his lack of dignity, his lack of will to pull himself together and face the problems that he had created by ignoring problems for so many years. I still am angry about all of that. But seeing him in this bed, and knowing that he is alive, I know beyond a doubt that I don't want him to die. I want him alive, I want to see him hold my little babies some day, I want to hear him tell his stories about growing up in Millard, Nebraska. I want to watch him jut out his chin in that pompous and silly way as he and E and I sit around the patio table discussing the universe, travel, the point of art, the meaning of life. I had no idea of the depth of my love until now. I was so blind, I thought a few bad choices could turn it all sour. But what is any of that compared with his one wild and precious life? His life? What is worth more than that?"

 So I take these little moments to heart.  I took this moment to put on my gym clothes and at the gym, I ran hard. I ran fast.  I pushed myself until my legs hurt and couldn't go any further because I knew I deserved to take care of myself.  And thinking of Becky's experience at her father-in-law's bedside, comparing it to my experience at my friend's hospital bedside in November, I don't want to be in my own hospital bed because I didn't take care of myself.  I deserve to be healthy. My husband deserves a healthy wife. My parents deserve a healthy child that will be able to help them in their old age. And my future children deserve a healthy mother.

This post as been rambling with odds and ends.  I hope to maintain this passion and find a way to focus it over the next few days and weeks.  

Stomach: What's Wrong?

I know I've been MIA for far too many weeks, over a month actually.  There have been some successes, some failures, some trying new things, and some not feeling so well.  I want to touch on some of the other things in another post but for tonight, I'm writing about the not feeling well.

I was doing so well, and feeling amazing, the first few weeks of October when I was doing the October Unprocessed challenge.  I was losing significant amounts of weight. I felt so energetic.  I even felt like my sense of smell was getting better!  I fell of the wagon half way through week three of the challenge.  I find myself not writing in my blog when I feel I've been unsuccessful.  So if there is any wonder why I am not writing, it's usually because I know I screwed up somewhere and am having issues getting back on track.

The last few weeks have been horrible as far as eating.  My working out hasn't been horrible as I have been getting to the gym a few times a week and even picked up spinning (for another post).  I've been pay attention to what's been going into my mouth to an extent. I've been trying to eat unprocessed as much as I can but my portions have gotten out of control.

Anyway, I haven't been feeling well since about two weeks ago.  I'm not eating anything differently before starting the challenge, except for some mostly unprocessed bread I found at the grocery store. It's not a run down sort of feeling. It's a physically ill sort of feeling; a constant bathroom need feeling.  There are good days, days where I don't even know why I was sick the day before.  But then there are days where I can only get off the couch for a quick walk to the bathroom.  There was a day where even walking hurt, but I had to go to work.  But the next day, I was fine.  This weekend, I was fine, until this afternoon, when I started feeling gross again.  I don't think this is a stomach bug.  I'm not sick every day.

My husband is encouraging me to go to the doctor but I know they are just going to tell me to eat some yogurt and drink more water (which I have been doing). I've always been sensitive to high fat foods but I haven't eaten any of those foods over the recent days.  Activia has been working, or so I thought.  A doctor is just going tell me to write down all the food I take in and how I feel throughout the day.  I can do that without going to their office. That is the plan for this week: Eat, write it down, and write about my reactions.

I worry about possibly a developing allergy to gluten or Celiac disease. I have noticed my worst days are where I've been eating a lot of bread products.  The only bread-like carbs I was eating when I was doing the unprocessed challenge was whole wheat pasta and I was not having any intestinal issues.  So it could have nothing to do with gluten issues.

A few years ago, I did get food poisoning, which damaged the villi in my small intestine and I was sick every morning for a couple of months after the initial problem.  This feels similar to that but I was sick everyday then.   That problem cleared its self with pro-biotic yogurt and time.  I really think this has something to do with something I've been eating.

I'll keep this updated with information about how I am feeling.  We had to cancel dinner plans with some friends tonight.  That is always a bummer. 

Cold Turkey

I've always been curious where the term "cold turkey" came from, so I looked it up this morning. According to Wikipedia there are many origins to the term.  Quitting "cold turkey" is usually associated with quitting a smoking habit, a drug habit or a drinking habit.  But what about an eating habit?

I quit cold turkey on Monday morning.  My hubby and I went out for Chipotle for one last hurrah before the beginning of October Unprocessed that following day.  I felt like crap after that meal.  Monday morning came and went and lunch came and went.  The afternoon was filled with temptations, horrible cravings, and will to just stay away from the need. A little more on how I did it later. 

There are a number of things I will admit to being addicted to.  There's sugar.  Sugar is the main thing.  I am (was?) obsessed with sugar.   A craving would take over for anything with sugar.  There was candy (gummies are my favorite), pop (I've limited myself on pop before but never completely rid my diet of it),  mixed coffee drinks, juice, candy, candy, candy, ice cream, frozen custard, and everything sugar.  Ugh.  I was also addicted to caffeine. I mostly got that from pop and sometimes a cup of coffee if I wanted something warm. I also loved bread.  I wasn't necessarily addicted to it except maybe my addiction to Subway.  I was really going to Subway for lunch 4 out of 5 days for lunch eat week.  Subway is ok in moderation, like everything else. 

This was getting out of hand.  I knew in my head I had to limit myself on these types of foods and added ingredients. I quit all these things on Monday.  I quit sugar, I quit caffeine (with the exception of unsweetened hot tea), and I quit processed carbohydrates. Let me tell you, this was HARD!  Monday was hard because of the temptations at work.  I actually sat in my office and watched out the window with jealousy of the people that got to go to Subway for lunch.  I got through the cravings even though it did some some physical will to not give in.  Tuesday the cravings were still there but they weren't as strong, but that withdrawal headache was starting to kick in by the end of the afternoon.  Wednesday, the headache hit with full force.  I was irritable and crabby and wanted to yell and wanted to cry after a customer yelled at me on the phone. I just didn't want to be at work anymore.  Wednesday was the hardest.  Thursday got a little better. The headache was still there but I felt one hundred percent better.  I was starting to notice that I wasn't getting the mid-afternoon sugar slump.  I was tired sure, I think my body is still learning how to adjust to not having refined sugar to fuel itself.  And I was hungry.  I just had to make sure I brought enough snacks for myself to make sure I had something when I got hungry so I didn't go for the snack box in the breakroom, filled with processed junk.

Thursday afternoon, when I got in my car, I was a little dizzy.  I think it may be because my blood sugar was too low.  I did eat a handful of pretzels when I got home from work and I felt so much better. I know the pretzels are processed but I needed something at that moment.  I need to look for other options in case this happens again.  Friday was like a new day after the rest of the week. I was energized when I woke up and felt good through the whole day. Plus, it's Friday with a whole weekend ahead of me! Who doesn't like Friday?!

Things I've noticed this weekend since going off my cravings and addictions cold turkey: I was going to allow myself a cheat meal. The cheat meal hasn't happened yet.  Maybe it would have if my husband was in town but I've been alone all weekend. I've been eating leftover  Mexican Chicken soup for lunches and scrambled eggs for dinner last night.  I picked up some good salmon from Whole Foods this morning that I will have for dinner tonight and cook the extra for lunch tomorrow. While driving this morning, I was thinking a cup of Chai Latte from Startbucks sounded delicious but when I got to the local establishment, I just kept driving right on by.  This confused me cuz I really wanted the latte, or atleast I thought I did but I knew it was processed. I knew how much sugar was in the Chai tea mix.   I ended up at home instead.  Here to my computer to write about it.  I ate an apple and had some lunch and started writing. 

On a side note. I went to the grocery store lastnight after planning my meals for the week.  I let myself have a treat of a little gelatin dessert cup.  One, my taste buds have somewhat changed, even just a little, and the treat didn't really taste that good. Two, the sugar gave me a headache. Three, the sugar gave me a belly ache.  So that treat really wasn't worth it to me.  I would have rather had a piece of fruit. 

Quitting my addictions will open doors for me.  Some are small for right now. I can enjoy a lazy Sunday afternoon with my two cats, watching the leaves drop from the oaks as Fall takes hold of the Wisconsin scenery.    Although I do wish it was a little warmer so I could enjoy the afternoon on the deck with a cup of hot tea. 

Come back tomorrow for Monday's weigh in!

Do You Remember....?

To my friends who are on their weight loss journey, do you remember what it was like to be healthy and fit? Do you remember what it felt like? I'm starting to forget. I would like to remember what it felt like to walk into a store and buy something off the rack without trying it on.  I want to remember what it felt like to not be embarrassed of my body.  The problem is, I was always embarrassed about those things at a size 14. 

Me, Lake Meade, Cousin Greg's Wedding, circa 1999?

I haven't been at my first goal weight since I was in high school, and even then, I thought I was overweight.  I started out high school in the 160s and graduated around 170.  At 5 foot 10 inches, that's not a bad weight.  The highest weight I reached was 230 and you all witnessed that at my wedding.  My lowest weight since then was 210.  I am somewhere in the middle when I started my unprocessed eating on October 1.

I don't really want to remember what it's like to feel fat.  At my highest weight, my own skin bothered me.  I felt swollen and sluggish.  My clothes were getting bigger in size but still felt just as tight.  I don't want to remember but I do have to remember. I have to remember what it was like so I don't go back there. I didn't feel good there. I've come to a point of embracing my body in my own skin but I can do it in a healthier way. 

I set my goal to lose 30lbs by the end of December.  If that goal is reached, the next goal is to lose another 30 lbs by May.  Thats sixty pounds in seven months.  That's a lot of weight.  But after seeing and feeling some of the results of the October Unprocessed Challenge, I think it is very doable.  I will give a full overview of my first week eating only unprocessed food on Monday morning. I will also tell you how much weight I lost in the first week.  I'm excited to get on the scale on Monday morning. 

Exhausted

Boy I am tired and emotional.  I'm feeling the effects of caffeine withdrawal and I think my body is starting to realize that it's not getting the amount of carbs I am used to.  The cravings weren't as bad today as they were yesterday.  So that is a good thing.

During a stressful day at work, I really began to realize how much I was actually using food to sooth myself and my nerves.  After having a bunch of stuff laid on my plate at work and having a customer yell at me, all I wanted was a Snickers bar.  There was one available.  I felt the stress rippling through my veins.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to go for a walk but there was an hour left of work and I wasn't really allowed to leave the building.  So I sat there, talking to my coworkers, complaining about how much I wanted that stupid chocolate bar.  I told them I would probably be less annoying in a week or so.  I wanted to give in.  This is how my thoughts were, all over the place!

Why, oh why, does food have such a hold on my emotions? How did I get this way? I think back to all the times I've used food to calm my nerves.  The bottle of full sugar Mountain Dew mixed with handfuls of gummie bears before something stressful in college.  I hated how my heart rate raced after eating all that sugar.  I vowed to not do it again and yet, I did it again.  On the other hand, the times I got physically ill because my nerves were that intense before each day of high school.

Today, because I didn't use food to sooth my nerves and my stress, I just let it run it's course.  I felt that restlessness disappear by the time I left work but I was tired.  Very very tired.  I came home, sat down for just a few moments to watch the end of the news before my hubby came home.  He made dinner.  It's in the oven right now.  And here I write, letting my emotions take a normal path.