30 years. 30 years old seemed really old when I was 15. Now 30 seems like the new 25...or something. I've been 30 for over six months. So I'm not writing this because it's my birthday or anything. I'm writing because 30 is just too damn young to be dying!
Most people in my age group have lost at least one grandparent but we have time to prepare for those events. I'm not saying that losing a grandparent isn't hard, I've coped with losing two of mine so far. Unfortunately, some of us have even lost one or both of our parents. These family members are older and far wiser than us, we know it's going to happen some time or another. But really, 30 is too young to be dying!
A friend of a dear college friend of mine is 30 and is suffering from cervical cancer. (I will be not using names to respect the privacy of her friends/family.) At this moment her family and friends are gathered at her bedside to spend a few last moments with her. This woman and I have met only a few times at social gatherings and our mutual friend's wedding. Even though I am not close to this person, this situation is really hitting me emotionally. While on a recent trip home to the Twin Cities, I was able to sit down with my friend to get an update on her friend. It was intense to see the emotions she was dealing with. I had similar feelings when another friend's mother passed away four years ago from brain cancer. There's a sense of not having any control. And there's the moments when I think about how would I react if I was in their situations.
How would I deal with it if it was me? I wonder if I have completed the things I wanted to do. Have I been good enough to myself? Then I really got to thinking that I don't respect my body enough. I throw a bunch of junk in my body. I only have this body for a certain amount of time, and no one knows how long that is. It is time to start taking care of myself better. It is time I spend a ton of time with family and with friends because in the end, they are the ones that will be standing next to my bedside when the end is near.
I thought I would have more to write on this subject. The whole thing has scared me. I wanted to think that we were still invincible at 30. I know I'm not, I just wasn't ready to admit it.