Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The ER and Doctor's Orders

On a side note, I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. I woke up early on a Saturday morning with pain ripping  through my back. With my family's history of heart disease and my being medicated for high cholesterol, I freaked out. I made Pat take me to the ER at 5am. I really tried to calm down before I got to making that decision. The pain just didn't go away for the 30 minutes I tried to calm down. After numerous tests in the ER, they found that I was not having a heart attack. They kept me under observation for a few more hours so they could run some follow up tests to make sure they were still correct.

Doctor's orders were to go home, rest and make a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist. When I went home, my back hurt more until I was able to get some Advil in me and a heating pad on my muscles. I slept and sat around the rest of the day, and the rest of the weekend. I'm sad my freaking out made me miss a family gathering in Minnesota but I'd rather  be safe than sorry. The pain was gone by Monday morning. I pretty much figured out that I was just having back muscle spasms and Advil helped me with that pain.

My follow-up appointment with my cardiologist went well. They ran yet another EKG which came out normal. She could feel my back was tight. She prescribed me a work out of some sort of stretching. I think she would like to see me doing some yoga or pilates along with my aerobic workouts. I'm really looking for a dvd that will help me with the stretching and flexibility. (I was also given a great massage from Sister Anne over Thanksgiving!) If you have any ideas, I would greatly appreciate them.

When I was sitting in the ER that morning, I was thinking about how frustrating it is that my body is hurting so badly when I've been so good to myself. I'm supposed to be getting better by working out and eating well. I'm not supposed to be going to the hospital. Looking back on it, maybe it was my body telling me to just keep going. I never want to have to go to the ER again.

I just wanted to let you know that I only gained a pound over the last holiday week. I am going to be happy with that and I'm going to work through the next few weeks coming up to Christmas. Pat and I are planning on doing Christmas down here. It will be interesting what happens foodwise since we won't be going to the big family dinners and going out for drinks with friends. 

Turkey Day 5k

I really did want to do it but it was too dang cold. When I woke up on Thanksgiving morning, it was -10 degrees windchill and the air temperature was about 5 degrees above zero.  I didn't bring up the proper clothing for weather THAT chilly. I didn't have anything to protect my face for that weather. I still go up early and did a work out on the treadmill in my parent's basement. I would have felt like major crap if I didn't do any workout that morning. I did a 2 mile walk/run in 30 minutes. I was really pushing myself to run as long as I could without stopping. I am still really proud of myself for making it a half mile without stopping.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

A Friend and An Accomplishment

I'm blogging tonight because I saw one of my sorority sisters on tv, specifically The Biggest Loser special tonight on NBC.

I am so happy to be able to support Shannon in her goal to make life changes. She was able to be involved in the first group to take advantage of the new Fitness North. Fitness North was started by a couple of previous Biggest Loser contestants. Shannon wrote about her experiences during her two week stay. Reading all of her entries made me feel that I was walking right along with her.

I worked out this morning. I've decided that running on a treadmill is easier than running on the road. I actually ran a full half mile! I know, I'm a dork but that is a huge accomplishment for me. My body aches now. Tomorrow is Turkey Day 5k and it's supposed to be the coldest Thanksgiving in 20 years. We are going to evaluate the weather when we get up in the morning. If we decide it's too cold, I plan on hitting the treadmill again to get that workout done.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

10 Year Reunion

My mom insists that I have to do another post because she "has nothing to read". So here is the post as promised.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up on Saturday. It was decided to do the party on the Saturday after Thanksgiving because it was a time when classmates would be home. We are gathering at Solera in downtown Minneapolis for drinks, appetizers and lots of chatting (I'm sure). This will be my first reunion since my class decided to not have a 5 year reunion.

Let me tell you a bit about my class. I graduated from Wayzata High School in 2000 with 600 other students. Most of us were heading off to a college for a 2 or 4-year degree, some were working, some were going to the military, and some didn't have any clue what they wanted to do. Graduation was held on the University of Minnesota campus and an all night party commenced back at the high school.  I was horribly sick but wouldn't miss graduation or the party for anything, even though my boyfriend at the time and best friend opted out. Only about 80 of those 600 are showing.

I look back at high school...and I don't miss much of it. I miss the band parts the most.  I regret some of the petty sh*t that happened during those years and some of it, I wish I could take back. I'm hoping some of that stuff is just crap that people have decided was just insignificant. I am hoping that most of the cliquey (is that a word) stuff is gone. I am looking forward to seeing people that I didn't talk to much during those years but that I have come to found are great people. There are the old friends that are coming that I am beyond excited to see, although I wish more of them were attending. And looking at the RSVP list, there are people I do not wish to see that are attending, although few. I will just be polite. I am happy that Pat graduated with me so I will be dragging him with me.

Sure, I wanted to look hot for this party. I wanted to lose all the weight I had gained since high school. I wanted to be accomplished, successful. BUT WHO CARES!? If someone is going to be judgmental of me, so be it. That's their problem that they feel the need to have to judge others to feel better. I made the decision a few months ago to only worry about myself. I plan on buying a new outfit and look stylish in this body.

The past ten years have been different for all of us. Some people have found their ideal careers, some haven't. Some classmates are doing something different then what they dreamed of when they are younger but they are still happy. Some classmates are single, married, divorced, bi, gay and lesbian.  Some have kids, some don't. I'm just excited to catch up with people that I haven't talked to in a while. In the days of Facebook and social networking I do know a lot about some of these classmates but I don't think it's the same as seeing them in person.

Overall, I'm looking forward to this reunion! See you all on Saturday!

Monday, November 15, 2010

I Hate Working Out Inside

Oh I suppose it was a weigh in day. I am down to 220.2 lbs. I want to live in denial and not post my weight for last week, which was a gain. But I will be happy this week that I am down in poundage overall this week.  So is that 8 lbs lost in 8 weeks? I need to get moving on that number. Blah.

So as many of you know, I have been running (more like walk/jogging) the past few weeks outside.  Somehow I managed to injure my back. It's very random to me. So I decided that tonight, I would work out on the elliptical machine that we own.  It has been living in the basement since we moved into our house. Pat was able to use it down there but I could not. Our basement has a drop ceiling and every time I would get on the thing, my head would pop up into the ceiling.  So, we finally moved the machine into our office, where a higher ceiling exists.

Using the elliptical made sense in my head. It is a low impact work out which is good for my back and it didn't require me bundling up to workout outside. I also have the luxury of turning on the tv and watching some tube while I'm exercising. There I am, working that machine and five minutes into it, my legs already hurt! Sure, I understand that there is some resistance that is has that my body doesn't give me when I'm on the road. It was a struggle for me to go 30 minutes and I only went 1.2 miles!!!!! I feel weak. Blah! I know it's better than sitting on the couch all night but after thirty minutes, I wanted to put on all those thermal shirts and sprint down the street in the complete darkness of my neighborhood, just to release some frustration with the elliptical.

I think I know why I had exercising inside. It's boring! Yes, sometimes I do hate it that I tend to go out-and-back when I'm outside but if I go so far out, I HAVE to come back, one way or another. And yes, I am one of those crazy people that grew up in Minnesota and I love the snow and the cold weather is invigorating.  Although I'm not as crazy as my buddy Christian who runs 6 miles barefoot in the snow and enjoys it. I would rather have snow over sand. For now on, I will continue to workout outside and I will use the elliptical when its raining or windy or just too damn cold (which it sometimes happens here).

Turkey Day 5k is just 10 days away. If you are spending the holiday in the Twin Cities I would recommend doing this event. You can register online or on the day of.  I did it with my family last year and I think it will become a new tradition. So start a new tradition with your family this year. Although it was really hard to get out of bed that morning last year, I didn't feel quite so guilty having two Thanksgiving meals later in the day.  And everyone is sooo impressed that you got up early that morning and did that 5k. It feels good physically and emotionally. Oh and you're bound to run into one or two people you know.

For tomorrow's post: 10 year high school reunion special

Thursday, November 11, 2010

A great day

I just wanted to do a two sentence post before work. I had a great food AND workout day yesterday. We wont count the small bag of doritos I sneaked.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Loss of Grip

I realized last night that I was on the verge of losing my grip on the changes. I've started biting my nails again (boo). It's something I stopped doing over two months ago. I've been eating like crap again and I hadn't worked out for 4 days. I feel like I was losing control again.

I'm one of those weird people that feels like not having control is easier. There's anorexics that often crave the control they have over their weight. The control for me is tiring. It's exhausting to keep doing every day. I was frustrated at work today. Pat was supposed to join me for a workout. That didn't happen. I was sick of not having control over these past few days. I took the frustration out on the pavement. I worked through the pain in my legs. I passed a guy who was walking! I've never passed anyone! On a good note, I am now under 14:30min per mile. That sounds really lame but it's really good for me.

I have to admit, there are days I've posted, not admitting to myself that that day was a bad food day. I'm still running into problems with food. Yea, I've limited my exposure to Subway, which has been good but I was weak today and gave in to a foot long sandwich. Yea I can say tomorrow will be a better day and I'm extremely hopeful every morning when I get up. The fridge at work is completely stocked with healthy food for me. It's just that I have to keep myself at work to eat it. I don't keep crappy food at home so dinners are rarely a problem. It's those damn lunches. ARg!

I was good for dinner. I had a left over bbq chicken breast from last night. I tried, I really did try to have blanched broccoli with a little bit of salt and pepper. I was really trying to enjoy it as I gagged on it in my mouth. I could only manage to eat about three pieces before they went in the trash can. I did manage to have water instead of pop and an apple for dessert. Ugh! What am I going to do with myself about those bad lunches? I just need to avoid the temptations.

I'm working out with Kinsey again tomorrow night. I talked to her out of running the trail in the dark. So we are working Enterprise Dr. I'll have to check out that distance there. Only 16 more days until the Turkey Day 5k. Who thinks I can be up to jogging it by then?

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Unwanted Comments

I thought of something tonight that I really wanted to post about. I could post about the wonderful workout of walking/jogging with Kinsey. I greatly appreciate her pushing me to run just a little further. She's shooting on running 20 miles in May. God bless her for that! I'm not really sure I'm going to be able to achieve that by May. I'm hoping that I can do that Krazy Legs run, which I believe is 8k. Anyway, we did 3 miles in an hour. It's not a fast pace but my body hurts right now. I think I may lay on the floor before I climb into bed.

The thing I really wanted to post about tonight is about a comment I get from people more often then I thought I would. Often times, when I feel comfy enough with a person, I will reveal to them what my current weight is.  The comment I often get is "You don't look like you weigh that much." Um...thanks?

You know who they picture when I tell them I weigh 222lbs? They think of someone shorter and rounder than me. They think of someone that has trouble getting out of bed, someone that breathes heavy and gasps for air. They picture jiggly fat tucked up into a too tiny baby tee-shirt. I tend to carry my weight on my butt, hips and thighs. It wasn't until recently that I started carrying it on my belly. I guess when there is no where else for it to go, it's going to go to the places where it hasn't already.

There are so many comments people have made besides this one, including "When are you due?". That's a bad one too. On a side note, I had a customer ask me that at work the other day. And when I smiled to make the awkwardness go away and told her "No, not yet", she kept going saying something about how it looks like I have a little belly. I wanted to reach over the counter and slap her. (sorry that thought wasn't very professional). Usually after I tell people that I'm not pregnant, they become slightly more embarrassed than myself and apologize.

This comment about not looking like what I weigh just bothers me. I try to wear clothing that is appropriate for my body size. I am lucky that I am 5'10'' so the weight kinda spreads out, I guess. But it isn't so much what I look like but how I feel about myself at this weight and how I FEEL at this weight. I want my shin splints to go away. I never had them before the weight. I want to feel comfortable in my clothing. I want my cholesterol to be down, I need it to be down so maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be able to go off my medication. I want to be able to have a baby. I want to be energetic.

Being fat isn't just about how I look. It's about me. I don't want it to be a part of me anymore.

Time to lay on the floor. Goodnight

Current Music: Time After Time - Cindy Lauper

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Brown Bag It!


1000 Views and Some Struggles

Last night this blog hit it's 1000th view. It's pretty impressive for having only had the blog for little over a month.  I'm grateful for everyone that has checked out my slow progress. It's some motivation to keep going.

This has been a hard week so far, well today was hard. I had a weak moment in the candy isle at Walgreens. I shouldn't have even gone to there.  I knew it when I did it. I just did. I'm disappointed in myself but I have to move on from there and start again tomorrow.  The french fries for dinner also didn't help the cause.

Pat and I have sooooooooo many reasons to not go out to eat. I mean, there is the fact that we can make food at home that is healthier because we have control over the ingredients. But there is also the fact that we can save money by eating at home.  When we first moved down here we would eat out all the time. We probably ate out more than we ate in. When we decided a year ago to buy a house, we figured out that we need to save some money and the thing that stuck out in our heads was to limit the amount we go out for dinner and/or lunch.  We are down to about one night a week out for dinner, which I think is pretty good. So why do I feel guilty about one night a week? Probably because we spent so much money on groceries and we have food in our fridge that is perfectly good. Ugh!

Anyone have healthy ideas for the head of broccoli I have in the fridge that isn't stir fry???

Monday, November 1, 2010

7lbs Down and a Workout Partner

It sounds so small when I say it that way. I lost 7 lbs in 5 weeks. That's just a little over 1lb a week. In a year, that would be 52 lbs. I dont think that's too bad of an accomplishment.

Yesterday I posted about what I was going to do about working out after it got dark. I think that was yesterday. A friend of mine decided that she was going to train for a marathon. So I am going to try to train with her.  I told her I'm a horrible runner and that I can't even run 1/4 mile right now. It's horrible. I don't really know if I am going to be able to run the 5k on Thanksgiving. Anyway, Kinsey lives and works in Verona so I can walk/run down the lit streets in Verona with her. Yippie for a partner.