What Doesn't Kill You...

My past few workouts at the gym have been rough! I had a long 10k run last weekend that I was able to finish although it was slow and there was a lot of run/walk/run and then walk some more. But I finished it. Well that run caused a nasty blister on the inside of my arch on my left foot. I was wearing my old running shoes for this one because I hadn't broken in my new shoes yet. So the blister wasnt totally unexpected. Since deciding a week or so ago to run a marathon in October, I had change up my workout training from a 10k training to a marathon training program. So I kinda just merged one into the other. My 10k race isn't for another month but I will be six weeks into marathon training.  Anyway, that 10k run was on Sunday. I knew I needed to take atleast a day to recover and to let that blister heal. So I pulled on my running shoes on Tuesday morning before work and tried to get some mileage on the treadmill. I was scheduled for 3 miles but could only squeeze out barely two because, dang, my foot hurt. I knew it was time to buy new running socks.

I didn't run or do any sort of working out until Friday after work. I was disappointed in myself but I knew I just need to let my foot heal or else I was going to pay for it in the end. Thursday night I went to REI to pick up some running socks. The Smart Wool PhD socks were the ones that were recommended to me so I bought a couple of pairs. I wore them on Friday's 4 mile run and I dont think there was any additional irritation on my blister. It actually looks like it is healing really well. I need tougher feet!

Friday's run was hard! It was four miles, which isn't daunting anymore but I just knew it would be hard. It was the end of a long week. I decided to hit the gym after work, figuring it wouldn't be all that busy because it was a Friday. The place was packed and I was shocked! I found myself a treadmill, laced up my new shoes and hit start on my watch. As I was warming up, I happened to glance at the machine next to me. (Don't we all do this at some point to see how we compare?) The girl next to me had 10 miles logs on her machine although I'm sure she hadnt actually run those 10 miles because she kept jumping off the belt and then back on every thirty seconds or so. It was a little annoying but I was amazed that she was running at the clip she was.

After about a mile of my own running, my legs just hurt so bad! My calves were tight and my ankles weren't flexing like they were supposed to. It was a flash back to when I first started running, when my shin splits were so rough that I couldnt flex my legs. I didn't want to be back there. It was painful! So I slowed down to a walk and then stopped to stretch some. I felt better after that. While I was trying to loosen my muscles, I got to thinking about my eating this week and how crappy it had been. Could my food consumption be why I was feeling like so much crap? Probably. I starting thinking about the changes I needed to make as far as food.

I noticed it on Saturday during the Body Flow class I took that morning. I wasnt able to hold the posses as long and my muscles were shaking. Ugh! I hate that feeling! I was feeling especially weak.

I'm not sure if I am going to get my long run in this weekend. I was thinking about possibly just getting in a really long ride on the trainer, around 25-30 miles? It would feel so good. It's hard to look outside at the white and feel that arctic air and imagine warm days of cycling and running.

On my way home from the gym on Saturday morning, I heard this Kelly Clarkson song on my radio and I couldn't keep myself from dancing in my seat. I know that the song is about a boy, as it usually is, but I felt like it made my mood better for the day. And actually inspired me to sit down on my computer and type out a couple of entries. This is being added to my iPod running list and will be played over and over again.

I Just Want to Scream!!

Sometimes I just want to scream...
Sometimes I just want to scream in frustration at my choices! I want to scream about the horrible choices I've been making! I want to scream about the binging! I want to scream about the majority of my time outside of work being spent on the couch! I want to scream that it's cold outside and I can't go for a run! I want to scream when I don't update my blog!

And sometimes I just want to cry about it...
I want to cry to make myself feel better. I want to cry about how much I'm failing. I want to cry when I dont work out and it's bed time. I want to cry when I watch the scale move up or stand still. I want to cry when I feel alone in this. I want to cry after I binge. I want to cry when I realize I'm in denial.

And sometimes I just need to pick myself back up...

I worked out tonight...aerobic for 30 minutes and then Yoga for 40 minutes. I sat down and made monthly calendars for the rest of the year. I crossed today off the calendar as a work out day! I ate a somewhat healthy dinner. I conquered eating carrots without ranch dressing. I am updating my blog. 

And sometimes I dream...

I dream about the day I can complete the burpees on the Wii.

I dream about the day I can go down a pants size. I dream about not being addicted to fast food. I dream about completing my race! I dream about getting up early so I can work out before work.

I scream. I cry. I pick myself back up. I dream.

Friday

I'm starting to realize that I may not get an entry in every day of the week. Last night, Pat and I went to Overture Center to see Wicked. It was great, but not as good as the time I saw it in NYNY.

I broke down and hand Subway for lunch yesterday. I did stick with just a six inch sandwich though and had some Baked Lays. For dinner we went to what we had time for, Cosi. We haven't been to Cosi since they opened down here. I guess I wasn't too impressed by them the first time. I had a melt. It was really yummy and I was so excited to get to the show on time, because we were running a bit late, I couldn't finish it. That was a good thing though because I didnt need all of that.

Today was not the best day really. My hand found it's way into the chocolate stash at work and then pat and I went to BW3's for dinner. I am definitely feeling that dinner now and I feel like crap. Even sick at times. If I listen to my body, it's telling me right now that I shouldnt have had those chips. Maybe I will learn that eating what I ate makes me feel like this and I shouldn't eat it again. I did go for a walk during lunch today because it was a bit stressful at work. That walk was for a little bit more than a mile.

Blah! I'm tired and I have to work in the morning. Goodnight all.