Thursday, February 3, 2011

I Just Want to Scream!!

Sometimes I just want to scream...
Sometimes I just want to scream in frustration at my choices! I want to scream about the horrible choices I've been making! I want to scream about the binging! I want to scream about the majority of my time outside of work being spent on the couch! I want to scream that it's cold outside and I can't go for a run! I want to scream when I don't update my blog!

And sometimes I just want to cry about it...
I want to cry to make myself feel better. I want to cry about how much I'm failing. I want to cry when I dont work out and it's bed time. I want to cry when I watch the scale move up or stand still. I want to cry when I feel alone in this. I want to cry after I binge. I want to cry when I realize I'm in denial.

And sometimes I just need to pick myself back up...
I worked out tonight...aerobic for 30 minutes and then Yoga for 40 minutes. I sat down and made monthly calendars for the rest of the year. I crossed today off the calendar as a work out day! I ate a somewhat healthy dinner. I conquered eating carrots without ranch dressing. I am updating my blog. 

And sometimes I dream...
I dream about the day I can complete the burpees on the Wii.
I dream about the day I can go down a pants size. I dream about not being addicted to fast food. I dream about completing my race! I dream about getting up early so I can work out before work.

I scream. I cry. I pick myself back up. I dream.


  1. I applaud your ability to put this all out there for everyone to read. I too struggle with my weight and energy, have most of my life. Last year I stopped taking all the meds I was on as I felt they were contributing to my problems rather than helping them. I have lost about 36 pounds over the last year and hope to keep it going. The other day I looked at some pics a friend had on facebook and was so mortified at how I looked. Anyway, my point was that you are not alone and to keep going. We all have good days and bad days and sometimes it feels like more bad than good, but you are on the right track.

    :) Colleen

  2. Thanks Colleen! I appreciate the encouragement and congratulations on the weight loss.