Exhausted

Boy I am tired and emotional.  I'm feeling the effects of caffeine withdrawal and I think my body is starting to realize that it's not getting the amount of carbs I am used to.  The cravings weren't as bad today as they were yesterday.  So that is a good thing.

During a stressful day at work, I really began to realize how much I was actually using food to sooth myself and my nerves.  After having a bunch of stuff laid on my plate at work and having a customer yell at me, all I wanted was a Snickers bar.  There was one available.  I felt the stress rippling through my veins.  I wanted to scream.  I wanted to go for a walk but there was an hour left of work and I wasn't really allowed to leave the building.  So I sat there, talking to my coworkers, complaining about how much I wanted that stupid chocolate bar.  I told them I would probably be less annoying in a week or so.  I wanted to give in.  This is how my thoughts were, all over the place!

Why, oh why, does food have such a hold on my emotions? How did I get this way? I think back to all the times I've used food to calm my nerves.  The bottle of full sugar Mountain Dew mixed with handfuls of gummie bears before something stressful in college.  I hated how my heart rate raced after eating all that sugar.  I vowed to not do it again and yet, I did it again.  On the other hand, the times I got physically ill because my nerves were that intense before each day of high school.

Today, because I didn't use food to sooth my nerves and my stress, I just let it run it's course.  I felt that restlessness disappear by the time I left work but I was tired.  Very very tired.  I came home, sat down for just a few moments to watch the end of the news before my hubby came home.  He made dinner.  It's in the oven right now.  And here I write, letting my emotions take a normal path.

Trigger Foods

Wow, I find that it really takes me a lot to get motivated to write. Does any one else have that same problem? It feels like working out to me. I have a great streak of writing and I'm so very motivated and then I hit a wall of laziness and have to force myself back into the grove of things. I have found that, also like working out, that music helps motivate me to write. It's like a positive trigger.  Which is a great intro into my entry.

What are your trigger or trigger foods? According to Weight Watchers, a trigger food is a specific food that sets off a course of overeating where control is lost and excessive amounts are consumed. I don't think mine are all food triggers. I have mental triggers too. I'm slowly starting to figure out my triggers and how to work around them. I have three main triggers:

1. Breakfast
2. Stress
3. Sugar

I'm sure there are others but these are the ones that pop into my head the easiest at this moment. I'm just going to touch on each briefly and then talk about what I am doing to avoid these triggers.

Breakfast
Breakfast sounds like it would be such a positive time of the day to start off right. Well, if I find an excuse to not eat breakfast at home, I usually compensate with a breakfast on the way into work, usually McDonalds or something else. I have to eat breakfast. If I don't, I will be lethargic the rest of the morning and will only be able to think about how hungry I am. Last fall, I managed to go a number of months with eating breakfast at home.  Eating at home was actually my first goal in a series of goals that sent me all the way through the new year. I ate home for breakfast every day for three months. I am doing that again. I did my clean eating grocery trip after work last night. I was sure to pick up some Kashi and shredded wheat for breakfast.

Stress
We all deal with stress in different ways.  Some people smoke, some scream, some just go for a run, and some just eat. I'm in that latter group. If I am stressed, and I espcially will notice this at work, I will come up with an excuse to skip over the meal I brought from home and will go out for lunch. Usually it is Subway but other times it is fast food or Chinese take out. And I don't just eat a little to satisfy the craving, I eat a lot. I haven't quite figured out how to overcome this one yet. If there are any ideas, I am willing to listen.

Sugar
Sugar is probably my only true trigger food. I love sugar. If you give me a choice for candy, it's always the non-chocolate candies that I will reach for. Now don't get me wrong, I do like a little bit of milk chocolate here and there. But non-chocolate is what really gets my taste buds going. (My mom and sister probably think I'm from some other family) I love sugar! Jelly beans are an all time favorite along with those sugared gummy oranges. Delicious.  This is an easier thing for me to control if I just put the work into controlling it. Usually a piece of fruit will satisfy the craving. I have learned that I need to keep something quick and small around me to reach for instead of the candy.  I do love to reach for grapes or apples. Watermelon is my favorite fruit and food. I just wish I could have it all year round. Hubby and I are currently working on our third melon of the season.

So what are your triggers and how do you deal with them?

Discovery: Emotional Eating

I was lucky enough this last week to get that cold that's been making its rounds through the area. I had been taking Zicam in the past weeks to avoid this cold at all possible but I decided I should just let the sickness come and so I stopped with the Zicam. Last week was a hard week to be sick.

A couple of weeks ago I applied for a promotion at the company I work with. I knew an interview was coming but I had no idea I would be sick during it. I was actually sick enough to call in an absence to work. But ofcourse I couldn't do that. I had to make it to that interview. I walked into the office with a box of tissues and a bottle of water. My manager's boss was somewhat surprised and commented that she had never had an employee cry at an interview. My interview went really well even though I struggled over a question or two.

Another part of me being sick is that I always lose my sense of taste by the third or fourth day. It usually is due to my nose being so plugged that my taste buds just don't work. I can try as hard as I want but it will still happen. I've come to realize that the longer my nose is plugged, I tend to eat only what I am hungry for. This week it went one step further. I discovered that when I can't taste the flavor of the food, eating is not as enjoyable!

When did eating become such an emotional event for me? I noticed it at one of my lunches at work. I was almost depressed thinking about not being able to taste the food. Really that's pathetic but I need to figure out how to change this, or make it so it isn't so dominant in my life. I don't really think it's possible to get rid of all the emotional attachment that comes with eating because there are so many memories associated with food. But I dont want food to run my emotions throughout a day.

So I plan to figure out how to make this less apparent. I figure I am going to have to find something else to bring up those same emotions, something more healthy. So the next couple of weeks are going to be a discovery process.