Epiphany!

I just found myself doing the strangest thing. Like I said the other night, I've been reading Women, Food and God. Well I really came to an epiphany today during my lunch period while I was reading it. I actually had such an issue putting the book down that I accidentally went over my lunch time by ten  minutes. I'm impressed with it. I will share more on that in the future.

Anyway, I did a little yard work and a little TV time. Around 9pm, I got up off the couch and went looking for the book, knowing well that I made a point of making sure I brought the book home. I looked everywhere: where I put my purse down, in the kitchen, the bedroom where I went to change out of my work clothes and into yard clothes, the car, and back up to the bedroom to check again, just in case. It wasn't anywhere! Ugh! I must have left it at work.

My first thought was that I hoped I didn't leave it on the counter where the cleaning people would surely take it (although I know it would still be there in the morning). My second thought was that I could drive the 10 minutes to the branch and the 10 minutes back to pick it up. But it was already ten after nine and by the time I got back it would be after 9:30 and why waste the gas when prices were so high.

My third thought was "This is stressing me out, I need something sugary". Really!!?? Where the hell did that come from!? I'll admit, I ignored the rational thoughts and went for the cupboard. There wasn't anything sugary in there! I spotted a bag of salad croutons that I swear only had crumbs left at the bottom. Somehow a craving for sugar changed into a craving for salt.  I ate one of those before I realized we had a bag of homemade Chex mix in in another cupboard. It took me about two handfuls of the snack mix before I realized what I was doing. I took another handful before I actually ripped the bag from my mind and put it back in its place. 

Was I really stress eating over a book? Am I crazy?! And over a book about losing weight! I knew it was something I had to write about. Women, Food and God talks about breathing and feeling my center, ie my belly. So here I sit, with my now full glass of ice water, feeling my belly from the inside out trying to focus. And it's working. I can't believe I would binge over something so trivial.

I need to take moments like this and recognize what I am doing. I don't want to eat so mindlessly and filled with emotion. I am going to treat my body with the respect it deserves. I have been put on this planet for a fraction of a relative moment in earth's history. I don't want to be so cliche and say my body is a vessel but I am going not be numb anymore.

I am emotional right now and I could just write about this for hours and write about how I am going to make these changes. I want to finish the book first. The book that put me here in the first place. I'm going to bed with my glass of ice water, happy and satisfied and I will write more later.

Connection Withdrawal

 

Woohoo! Two entries in a row. I’m working on this one pretty early because Pat and I are at Epic to get our Internet fix. We’ve been without our internet since yesterday morning. It’s frustrating because we’ve had the phone guys out here before to look at the wiring into the house and they said everything was good on their end. Pat did some rewiring of the jack in the office, thinking it might be the old wiring in this house. Well, that didn’t fix it. And it’s not just that we don’t have a connection for the internet, our house phone has no dial tone and no one can call into our house without it just going to voicemail. So if for some reason, you need to get a hold of Pat or myself over the next week or so, please call our cell phones.

Since we have no internet, I’ve been writing my blog entries in Word and updating them when I find time to find some internet connection. Today, it is at Epic. The next couple of days, I might be making trips to the Verona Library over my lunch break to take advantage of their wireless.  Pat leaves for Chicago on Tuesday afternoon, the same day the phone people should be out to check the connections again. If they don’t fix it that day, I suppose I will have to call someone to come check the lines inside the house. So who really knows when it’s going to be fixed?

But there was life before the internet… I think. I am going to try to use this time of no internet connection to do other things. I’ve realized how much time I actually spend searching the internet. It’s crazy amounts of time and that’s not a good thing. It really takes a lot of time away from myself.  There are healthier activities  I would like to focus on instead of sitting on the computer. Today, those activities include getting to Costco to use our gifted membership, packing up our Christmas decorations so we can put the tree out on the curb (or in the burn pile), and do day two of the Biggest Loser program.

Other things I would like to do over the next week included finish some books that I started, pick up Pride and Prejudice at the library and read that (I bought a book at Barnes & Nobel a couple of months ago that is based off P&P but I haven’t read the classic so I’m considerably lost), get used to my bike again, do the Biggest Loser program every other day, meditate,  take a bubble bath, do something with a friend, and maybe work on my crocheting again. There might be some TV watching in there as well but I will probably do that while I am working out. My iTunes music library will probably get a work out because I like to listen to music while I am blogging.

So here’s to limited internet making me a better person.

Days ‘till race day: 266