I thought of something tonight that I really wanted to post about. I could post about the wonderful workout of walking/jogging with Kinsey. I greatly appreciate her pushing me to run just a little further. She's shooting on running 20 miles in May. God bless her for that! I'm not really sure I'm going to be able to achieve that by May. I'm hoping that I can do that Krazy Legs run, which I believe is 8k. Anyway, we did 3 miles in an hour. It's not a fast pace but my body hurts right now. I think I may lay on the floor before I climb into bed.
The thing I really wanted to post about tonight is about a comment I get from people more often then I thought I would. Often times, when I feel comfy enough with a person, I will reveal to them what my current weight is. The comment I often get is "You don't look like you weigh that much." Um...thanks?
You know who they picture when I tell them I weigh 222lbs? They think of someone shorter and rounder than me. They think of someone that has trouble getting out of bed, someone that breathes heavy and gasps for air. They picture jiggly fat tucked up into a too tiny baby tee-shirt. I tend to carry my weight on my butt, hips and thighs. It wasn't until recently that I started carrying it on my belly. I guess when there is no where else for it to go, it's going to go to the places where it hasn't already.
There are so many comments people have made besides this one, including "When are you due?". That's a bad one too. On a side note, I had a customer ask me that at work the other day. And when I smiled to make the awkwardness go away and told her "No, not yet", she kept going saying something about how it looks like I have a little belly. I wanted to reach over the counter and slap her. (sorry that thought wasn't very professional). Usually after I tell people that I'm not pregnant, they become slightly more embarrassed than myself and apologize.
This comment about not looking like what I weigh just bothers me. I try to wear clothing that is appropriate for my body size. I am lucky that I am 5'10'' so the weight kinda spreads out, I guess. But it isn't so much what I look like but how I feel about myself at this weight and how I FEEL at this weight. I want my shin splints to go away. I never had them before the weight. I want to feel comfortable in my clothing. I want my cholesterol to be down, I need it to be down so maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be able to go off my medication. I want to be able to have a baby. I want to be energetic.
Being fat isn't just about how I look. It's about me. I don't want it to be a part of me anymore.
Time to lay on the floor. Goodnight
Current Music: Time After Time - Cindy Lauper