Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Loss of Grip

I realized last night that I was on the verge of losing my grip on the changes. I've started biting my nails again (boo). It's something I stopped doing over two months ago. I've been eating like crap again and I hadn't worked out for 4 days. I feel like I was losing control again.

I'm one of those weird people that feels like not having control is easier. There's anorexics that often crave the control they have over their weight. The control for me is tiring. It's exhausting to keep doing every day. I was frustrated at work today. Pat was supposed to join me for a workout. That didn't happen. I was sick of not having control over these past few days. I took the frustration out on the pavement. I worked through the pain in my legs. I passed a guy who was walking! I've never passed anyone! On a good note, I am now under 14:30min per mile. That sounds really lame but it's really good for me.

I have to admit, there are days I've posted, not admitting to myself that that day was a bad food day. I'm still running into problems with food. Yea, I've limited my exposure to Subway, which has been good but I was weak today and gave in to a foot long sandwich. Yea I can say tomorrow will be a better day and I'm extremely hopeful every morning when I get up. The fridge at work is completely stocked with healthy food for me. It's just that I have to keep myself at work to eat it. I don't keep crappy food at home so dinners are rarely a problem. It's those damn lunches. ARg!

I was good for dinner. I had a left over bbq chicken breast from last night. I tried, I really did try to have blanched broccoli with a little bit of salt and pepper. I was really trying to enjoy it as I gagged on it in my mouth. I could only manage to eat about three pieces before they went in the trash can. I did manage to have water instead of pop and an apple for dessert. Ugh! What am I going to do with myself about those bad lunches? I just need to avoid the temptations.

I'm working out with Kinsey again tomorrow night. I talked to her out of running the trail in the dark. So we are working Enterprise Dr. I'll have to check out that distance there. Only 16 more days until the Turkey Day 5k. Who thinks I can be up to jogging it by then?


  1. You can do it! Will you be in MN for Thanksgiving? I will work out with you on Friday or Saturday(before I go to LaX).

  2. I am sure you can! Good luck!