A Year in Review: 2011

Oh what a year this has been. I wouldn't say it's been my best year and I am actually glad to be moving on to 2012.

2011 was relatively quiet. Hubby and I didn't take any big trips this year. There was only one wedding to attend. I pretty much spent my time working and running.

Running. I did a lot more of it this year than I did ever in previous years. Right after New Years, I committed myself to doing the Iron Girl Duathlon in Bloomington, MN at the end of September. This really meant a lot of training. When I committed, I couldn't even run a single mile without stopping to walk. Come September, I completed the race. I placed 798 out of about 1100 women. I finished better than I anticipated.

At the beginning of May, Hubby, my friend Christina, and I traveled to Chicago to run the American Brain Tumor Association Path to Progress 5k to benefit brain tumor research. Dang that day was colder and windier than expected but we made it through. 

At the end of May was my first committed organized race with the Challenge Charities 5k on Memorial Day. I finished in just under 40 minutes and was ecstatic to have run 7 minutes at the beginning without stopping to walk. Oh the little things in life that makes us happy!

The night before the race, I met up with a group of weight loss bloggers, most of whom reside in the Twin Cities area. It was amazing to be able to talk to people who have similar experiences with weight loss and know the struggles. I have also gained a great group of new friends. I'm really happy I stepped out on a limb and took a chance with them.

 A couple of weeks later, I ran in the Verona Hometown Days 5k by my self.   This was quite a change from the Memorial Day 5k where my family and the pack were there to cheer me on. Complete strangers were commenting on my PriorFatGirl T-Shirt. At most events where I've worn it, it has been popular among women. Even though I ran this race with no support team, I had my best time.

The summer was filled with more running and biking. I was pushing myself to run longer and bike faster. These things were often done alone. My hubby went with me a couple of times but I really enjoyed the time alone. Time to be in the quiet of nature and really concentrate on how I was feeling. I could push myself when I wanted.

On Labor Day, I ran the Safe Harbor 5k. I learned from this race that I really need to learn to warm up before race time officially starts. I was slower on this race than I was in June because of leg cramps. You live, you learn.

The end of September came the Iron Girl Duathlon.   I already told you how I did for that race. Thank you again goes to Anne from Twelve-in-Twelve for coming out to cheer me on!

I had my sister there to push me through that race. Even though she completed the Iron Man Wisconsin just two weeks earlier and her feet were killing her, she still did it with me. She stuck with me the whole time and kept me going when all I wanted to do was walk. It's great to have a sister as supportive. Oh, and my parent's too, and Pat and Christina.

Within a couple of days of my race, I blogged about starting to set weekly goals until the first of the year. I will write about those goals in a future post. I wanted to give them as much attention as they deserve.

Just last month, Hubby and I joined Gold's Gym as I continue to work out through the winter months. I wont be able to use last year's excuse of cold weather to stop me from getting my exercise. 

Thank you to every one for your support over the past year. 2012 holds more lofty goals. Another post about those will come in the next post. Happy New Year!!!!

I Fought for 5k!

I woke up on Thanksgiving morning to a clean house, a huge amount of food in the fridge, and the wind blowing against the siding. That wind was telling me it was too cold outside to get out from under my covers, it was too cold to pull on my work out gear and get ready for the 5k I had committed to over a month earlier. I just wanted to stay under the sheets, cuddle with my husband, and dream about the upcoming Thanksgiving meal that was going to emerge from my oven. I even asked my husband if he wanted to skip out on the event. I can't believe I did that! As I stared at the ceiling, trying to talk myself out of the bed, I began to think about everyone else that was going out into the cold air and running or walking a 5k that morning. There were my parents, my sister, and the majority of the Pack. If they were braving the weather, then I could too.

After the stuffing was in the crockpots for my first attempt at hosting Thanksgiving dinner, I climbed the stairs to put on my warm clothing. I made sure to check the weather before I decided what to wear. It was windy and the air was was damp and cold. Hubby and I climbed into the car and started on our way to the Berbee Derby. I couldn't understand why he was trying to push me out the door nearly an hour before our race start. Once we got there, I was glad he did. The place was already swarming with cars! We decided to park about a half mile from the event start line so we would have an easy get away at the end of the race. I would have to say there were atleast 3000 participants between the 10k and the 5k race. I like these bigger races because I can blend in with the crowd and there are sure to be people in that crowd that I am faster than. It gives me a confidence boost.

Berbee Derby 2011

At the beginning of the race I thought that I was going to stick by my hubby the whole time because he was being a dear to participate in the event with him. But then again, I also wanted to see how hard I could push myself and see how far I could go. We placed ourselves in the last wave just ahead of the 5k walkers. In the end, it was the right place to put myself. Hubby ran with me for the whole first mile and then he started to walk. I asked if it was ok if I kept going and he said it was. So, I just kept going. Coming around one of the turns I noticed a big hill ahead. I briefly thought that the hill was going to suck and I was going to let myself walk it. But then I thought back to when I was running earlier in the summer and when I proclaimed that I loved running hills because conquering them made me feel strong! I took that hill, and the next two without stopping to walk. I also took each subsequent down hill quickly. I heard a dad telling his daughter to just let the down hill push her, to let gravity work with her legs and to not push against it. I took his advice and just sailed down the hills.

I fought through the mental battle of wanting to stop to walk. Thing I have read kept working through my mind. "You can do anything for five minutes" kept really sticking with me. My foot went numb, I just kept going. I sprinted at the end. I did! It felt good to put all my energy into going all out the last few meters. I finished and I didnt stop to walk. I fought for it! Hubby finished 5 minutes after I did. It wasn't my best time but I'm ok with that.

Just Fight!

I'm watching The Biggest Loser, just like I do every Tuesday night when it is on. I started watching the show because I wanted to be inspired to make changes in my life. Here we are, how many seasons later, and I am pretty much the same weight I was when I started watching, maybe more actually.

Watching one of the competitors, John, break through some of those mental barriers that everyone talks about made me cry. I'm such a sap really! It reminded me about those times when I just want to stop because that barrier is just too hard to get through. I titled my blog Destroying Dead Ends because I didn't want to have those barriers anymore. It's time to remember to fight through those moments.

It's time to fight the food cravings! It's time to fight for my right to be healthy! It's time to fight to be my best self!

I pushed myself on my run tonight after work. I fought with my mental thoughts about it being too cold outside to work out. It's time to fight to fight to be faster and better! It's time to fight through the pain and numb left foot! It felt great to fight to make it to the top of the hill, back down the other side AND up the next hill! I'm proud of my 3.17 miles in less than 40 minutes that I fought for. I deserve it!

Just fight!

First Day of Week 3

Ugh!  I felt the anxiety creeping up on me about 20 minutes before noon. I need to figure out where this is coming from. But I did make it through my lunch only eating what I brought.

Lunch Today

My lunch box consisted of left over lasagna, a cheese stick, carrot sticks, and a small salad with lettuce, bell peppers and dried cranberries. I didn't end up eating the cheese stick and ended up eating an apple for an afternoon snack instead. I accompanied my lunch with a bottle of water. Oh and I had a Dum Dum for dessert.

I'm pretty proud of myself for food today. I did sneak two apple muffins, which were overly delicious, thanks to a coworker that made them yesterday. For breakfast I had some low sugar Quaker oatmeal made with skim milk. Dinner was a left over hamburger patty from last night (w/o bun), and then I made a small chicken sandwich and I had a handful of pretzels. 

It was getting really hard towards the end of the day when I really wanted one of the Peanut Butter Snickers that have been sitting in my candy dish at work. Has everybody had those? They are yummy. I managed to get through that time without touching one. I even made it past a trip to the gas station with only buying the much needed milk and gas.

The strangest feeling came over me during some idle time during my last hour of work. I felt...empty. I was hungry but I felt emotionally empty too. I wished I didn't need to keep sitting there waiting for the clock to turn 6. I think this is just the beginning of figuring out the true emotional reason why I eat. Here is to discovery!

I still need to pack my lunch for tomorrow. Probably left over lasagna again.

Just Walk Away

I promised this entry for Monday but the week really got away from me.

Last weekend my hubby was out of town on a short cabin weekend with his buddy. It was nice to have the house to myself and I was able to get a lot done. One of the projects was to get some grocery shopping completed. I make a list like usual. I bought most of the things on the list. While I was searching the shelves for some items, I came across some things I knew I had coupons for, some of them not so healthy. I took the time to read the nutrition labels and then put them back on the shelve. I picked up other items that I was craving and didn't really need. There was the moment my hand was on a box of doughnuts. I put them back down and walked way. A moment later, I found myself at the freezer case, eying the Eggos. I walked way. I even managed to walk down the candy isle without picking up a single bag. I was feeling pretty proud of myself when I walked out of that store.

It was a good shopping trip.

What's 80 Days from Today?

Christmas! Why is it that I am already starting to count down to Christmas? I counted today. There are 80 shopping days, 12 weeks and six paychecks until the fated Holiday. I must start shopping now because I usually wait until the last minute and I'm just so stressed. I am so stressed I am uninspired  to find great ideas for gifts.

I started thinking about how far away Christmas was because I want to set a new goal for myself every week leading up to the Holiday. I am almost to the end of goal week 2. I did fudge up a bit on Monday when I went through the Culvers drive thru after a stressful day at work. Without thinking, I ordered a snack pack which a Diet Coke! I briefly had an "oh fudge!" moment while I was sucking on the straw. I drank it, all of the small soda and I haven't had one since. I also still have had breakfast at home every day. I almost slipped up this morning . It has been a tradition, in the past, for when I have an early morning doctors appointment, I would usually pick something up on my way to work. I almost stopped at Panera. I even went out of my way to get there and I made myself keep driving.

I'm pretty proud of myself. Next week's goal will be announced on Sunday. I'm worried about this one.

By the way, I lost 3 lbs from last week!

A Look Back

A Look Back

As I continue to look forward to my race on Sunday, I have also taken some time to look back on the
last year since committing to this event. In some ways, I never thought I would be where I am but in
other ways, I thought I would have been further in my journey.

A year ago, the thought of running made me sick. I knew I had never been a strong runner and was not looking forward to recommitting to shin splints, side aches, and numb feet. I remember when I had to run the mile in Jr. High in under 11minutes, I walked about half of that mile. I probably could run the mile when I was in high school, right at the end of ski season when I was taking my gym course in the spring. I was passing people and it felt great! I wanted to embrace that feeling again. It was one of those nonessential high school moments that I will never forget. I started out slow. My goal was to run a mile without having to stop to walk.

So I just started running. I was walking mostly and running a little bit here and there. I had no set
schedule and no watch. I would just run as long as I could without stopping to walk or rest. I would
watch the time on my iPod. I wouldn’t go all that long, maybe 20 seconds and then I would walk until I felt like I had my breath back, then I would jog again for a few seconds. I thought I was going to be able to run a 5k by Thanksgiving. I didn’t quite make it.

I started keeping track of my progress on Dailymile. It was great to have a place to see how much I was improving. It also helped with my motivation. I was working out after work, before I had the chance to go home and sit down on the couch. I did this in the late afternoon light and in the dark after daylight savings time. I did it until it got really cold, when I stopped for 2 months.

I wish I could say that it was the cold air that made me stop working towards running. In reality, it
was actually a compliment about how much more toned I was looking since I had started working out. Instead of keeping the hard work up, I just stopped. I wish I could explain what was going through my mind when I decided to just stop working out because I had one compliment. I would think it would work in reverse and actually push me to go harder to get even better results. But it didn’t. I thought that because I was looking thinner, I could just take a break from exercising so I did.

Into March, I decided enough was enough and I needed to get my butt out the door. I didn’t belong to
a gym so I made sure I bundled up before I headed out into the cold. I wasn’t exercising many times
a week but I was still doing it right after work before I went home for the day. I started out again not
doing any running plan. I was jogging a block or so and stopping to walk and then jogging another
block.

In early April, I joined a group of bloggers online. We committed to doing a 5k on Memorial Day in the Twin Cities. I was nervous and excited at the same time. I was never one to put myself into a situation where I didn’t know anyone. I’ve written about that before. When I started really getting a goal in front of me is when I started training using Couch to 5k. It is an excellent program and I would recommend it to anyone. I ran that 5k in 40 minutes. I was so happy! I had ran 7 minutes without stopping. That was the longest I had gone without walking and I was so happy! 

I had my second 5k race two weeks later. I ran that one a full minute faster at 39 minutes. I was happy about that one too. I still hadn't been able to run more than five minutes at a time. I knew I had a lot of training ahead of me for the rest of the summer. I was hopeful that it wouldn't get too hot. I didn't have another opportunity to run a 5k until Labor Day. I ran that one in 38 minutes. I'm getting faster but I feel like I should be progressing faster than what I am. But overall, i'm pretty happy about my progress.

I just read the athlete guide for my race. I was aware of a time limit on the bike portion of the race (2.5 hours) but I was not aware of a time limit on the run (26 mins for 2 miles). I guess I'm not really worried about the first 2 miles but I am really worried about the second set of 2 miles after I finish my ride. The last time I did a brick workout, my shins tightened up and I could barely walk. So, now im worried because I typically run just under a 13 minute mile when my legs are feeling good. I hope hope hope I dont get pushed off the race!

Tomorrow I will talk about the goals I thought I would have achieved by now.

Safe Harbor Labor Day 5k

Yesterday I ran the Safe Harbor Labor Day 5k in Madison. The money went to benefit Safe Harbor Child Advocacy Center. It's an organization that I had heard little about. Really I was just looking for a Labor Day 5k to compare to my Memorial Day Challenge Hearts and Minds 5k. That race I finished right at 40 minutes. My goal for this race was to finish faster than that. I finished at 38:36! It wasn't as fast as I had hoped but it was still reaching my goal AND I ran most of it. I would say I didn't walk anymore than 5 minutes during the whole race.

My husband joined me on this race as well as my good friend Kinsey and her husband Keith, he did the 10k race. They have all been a great support and Kinsey crossed the finish line by my side. I definitely ran faster than her but she would keep running when I would stop to walk. Each time she caught up to me, I would make sure to get up and run again so I could mostly stay ahead of her. I had never run further than 2 miles without stopping. I was unable to go that far without stopping yesterday. The course was hilly and I wasn't prepared for that. Overall I felt pretty good. I really wish I would have been able to run the whole thing! Looking back on it, I could have worked through those moments when my shin splints hurt or the side ache under my ribs. I should have been able to work through those! I just kept telling myself it was mental and I could get through this.

There was a father/daughter duo in front of me, well they passed me at one point where I was walking. I kept up with them for a while and could hear bits and pieces of their conversation. Dad was definitely a better runner than the daughter but it was so beautiful to hear him encouraging her to keep working through the urge to stop to walk. She was talking to him about things that were unrelated to that moment and he told her that it wasn't important to worry about, that she should just concentrate on what she was doing, to keep the pace, and just keep moving. I wondered what my dad would say to me in that same situation?

The last mile of the run was hellish long! But atleast it was flat, unlike most of the route. Kinsey and I finished it out together, for the most part. This was when the mental fatigue was kicking in. I knew I was pretty good up to the two mile mark because I had done that before. I was unsure about that last mile. I found myself telling my self that I had gotten through the first two miles and that I could do that one last mile! I couldn't feel my left food and my shins hurt...a lot! But I just kept putting one foot infront of the other foot, over and over and over again. That was all I had to do to get to the end. Once I saw the finish line, I did put a little bit more effort into it, just to shave off a second or two from my time. I'm proud of my 38:36 as I should be! 

This coming weekend I get to cheer my little sister on while she competes in her second Ironman Wisconsin! I'm extremely excited and nervous for her. I'm excited about watching her come out of the lake water and getting on her bike, I'm excited about her insanely fast biking through Verona... Twice! I get to ring my cow bell through the streets of downtown Madison while she runs a full marathon. I am nervous about the weather! The last time she did this race in 2006, it was cold and it rained all....day....long! It did not make for great racing and it definitely did not make for great race watching. I've been watching the weather since September 11th first started showing up on the 10 day forecast. As of right now, the low is 54 and the high is 77 and the sky is supposed to be sunny! Please pray that she has some great weather for her second Ironman!

1.85 Miles!

I was struggling tonight to find the motivation to write. This seems to be common occurrence lately. Maybe because I have been so busy at work I just don't want to come home to sit down to a computer.

I had a non-scale victory today, which is good because the scale has been brutal to me over the past couple of weeks (I've gained 4 pounds). I woke up this morning, dragging myself from the bed because it was still dark at 5:30am. I always make sure I look out  the bedroom window to check for rain cuz if its raining, I am going to crawl back into bed. To my luck, there was no rain and the sky was a bright but deep red from the soon to be rising sun. With half shut eyes, I pulled on my workout clothes and brushed my hair up into a ponytail. I opened my eyes wide enough to put in my contacts and headed downstairs.

The weather guy from NBC15, David George, told me last night *via the tv* that there was a strong change of thunderstorms this morning. So I had to make a point to check the radar for rain before I left. There it was, a huge swath of thunderstorms about 20 miles west of my house. I was pretty sure I could get a 30 minute workout done before it would start raining, atleast I was hopeful. So I turned on my iPod and walked out the door. I could see the sky was kind of dark to the west but it wasn't threatening.

I hadn't run since Friday so I knew I would be able to push myself a little bit but because of the impending rain, I would have to do a shorter route than what I had been doing lately. I picked the 2.3 mi route, downhill the whole way out and uphill the whole way back in. Sometimes it annoys me that we live on the highest point in the neighborhood, just saying. I did my usual 5 minute warm up walk and starting jogging. I jog/run really really slow. But I just kept going. I was aiming to go 15 minutes without stopping. I was really hopeful I would be able to go longer than that but I didn't want to set my sights too high. At my usual turn around point, I decided to take a left and ran up the hill a little bit, just long enough to catch a bolt of lightening hit the ground to the west. That was just enough to make me decide I needed to start heading back to the house.

A little side note here. For those of you that knew me when I was younger, thunderstorms freaked me out! I was so scared of storms, I used to make my friends' parents drive me home in the middle of the night if there was a storm because my bedroom was the only safe place in the case of lightning and thunder. I know I was pretty lame. I used to hide under my covers of my bed during the heat of the summer because I thought that if I was under the blankets the lightning couldn't get to me.  I've gotten a lot better, I actually enjoy the sound of thunder as long as it is not associated with rotating wall clouds. So me being outside during an impending thunderstorm with lightning is a huge thing for me.

I want to say thank you to the bug that flew down my open mouth right after I turned around. It was at that point in my throat that caused me to instinctively swallow. So swallow I did, until it got stuck and caused me to cough, hard! But I kept running. Hack hack..no bug. So I swallowed again. I have no idea what was in my stomach the rest of the day. I hope it died quickly. I wanted to stop running and walk up the hill leading into my neighborhood. Trust me, this is not much of a hill and more of a casual grade. But I kept going. I rounded the corner into my neighborhood where it flattens out for  just a little bit. My legs felt good, my lungs did not. But I just kept going. I didn't let myself eye the next mailbox and say "I will run until that mailbox and then walk". I just kept looking onto the next corner. Looking at my watch, I was past the 15 minute mark. I was going to keep going.

The next time I looked at my watch, it was 2.5 minutes later at 17:30. My mind was fighting with me. I really wanted to walk so I slowed down my already snail pace. I knew I could probably walk faster than I was running. The next time I looked at my watch, I only had 90 more seconds to make it to 20 minutes of straight running. I could do 90 seconds! It was really the longest 90 seconds of my life! It was like I was looking at my watch every 10 seconds. I really pushed myself during the last 30 seconds. I'm sure my neighbors thought I was crazy talking out loud telling myself to just keep going. I counted the last 10 seconds to myself, probably a bit faster than what my watch was telling me. I DID IT! I ran 20 minutes without stopping. It was time to walk.

I finished the rest of the route with another minute of running and a few minutes of walking to cool down. It just started to barely sprinkle when I walked up my driveway. The thunder was getting pretty loud at that point. Maybe a little thrill of fear ran through me before I brushed it off.

I mapped out my distance for my 20 minute run and it came out to 1.85 miles! Go me! I ran my first mile only a couple of weeks ago. This is huge for me!

I Did It!

I ran a mile!

I don't know why I couldn't seem to find the time last week to write about my big accomplishment. Can you guess what I did?...I finally ran a mile without stopping! Oh the simple things in life. I ran 1.06 miles in just under 13 minutes and I am extremely proud of myself. I was slightly disappointed with my total time originally because I had been injured the week before but a friend pointed out that I ran a mile. I really didn't believe her until I actually mapped it out. I mean it didn't feel like a mile...well...actually it did. I was struggling and my legs hurt, and my back hurt.

I've really come to believe that this is all a mental game. My body feels so much better than it did a year ago. Now I am just trying to get through the mental negative talk while I run. "I can't go any further, I can't do this, this sucks, its hot out here, there's sweat in my eyes!" Those are just some of the things that run through my mind while my feet are hitting the pavement. Lately, I have been able to work through those negative thoughts with the idea that I am most likely not going to pass out. The shin splints are gone and my knee feels a little better. I know I just have to keep running.

This morning, I went for another run. After my five minute warm up walk, I started running and just kept going! I felt good! My knee didn't hurt at all! When I got home and mapped out how far I had run, I ran for 15 minutes straight for 1.5 miles! That is a new record for me. I'm sure I was able to run that far in high school but since I started really running last fall, that's the best I've done and I'm proud! I enjoyed the run enough this morning to look at how the fog settled on the corn fields around my house. I actually wish I had a camera with me to capture the moment the sun rose over the trees and the fog caught the beams of light. But I just kept running. I ran half of my 5k goal! I ran more than half of the 2mi distance I need to be able to run by September! Yay!

I also had a good food day today. I will write about the event I went to this weekend. It was so motivational and inspiring and well worth the trip to Minneapolis.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their pushing and supporting me. It really does help a lot!

48 days until my race! Eeek!

I Love Your Shirt

Today I ran the Verona Hometown Days 25th Annual 5k. All the proceeds from this small race benefited the high school's girls and boys cross country running teams. It really was a small race. I don't think there were more than 100-150 participants between the 5k and the 10k races. Most of the runners were students from the cross country teams. My friend Michelle was going to do the race with me but with a four month old, life is a bit unpredictable. I ended up at the race by myself, although I did have my Prior Fat Pack members there in spirit.

The weather was gorgeous this morning and even a little bit cold. After the EF 1 tornado that came through town on Wednesday, we welcomed the calm and cool weather. I made sure to wear my PriorFatGirl tee shirt. I was a bit overdressed with that and a long sleeve cotton shirt under it. It was really chilly this morning, really! My hubby was there to start me off at the starting line. We had friends in town for a wedding and he had to go back to the house to see them off for their 10 hour drive home.

While I was in the process of getting to the starting line, I had a woman tap me on the back and say she really liked my shirt. I thanked her. Later, she was the first woman to finish the 10k race. I had two more women pass me on the route that liked the shirt. Both of them, I stepped up my pace to keep up with them and tell them about the PFP. Both women were older than me. One of them, this was her first 5k in a number of years. She was running so fast! The other, she was an avid runner before she got married. After her wedding, she got sedentary and gained 50 lbs. Now she's trying to work the weight off through running. Both of these women, strangers to me, were cheering me on as I passed the finish line. One of them came over to me to ask me what my time was, and she cheered me when I told her I had set a new personal best.

New personal best! I am taking off 15 secs for fumbling with my watch at the end of the race.

I just love the comments and compliments I get from people just for wearing that t-shirt! I am waiting for the day when someone says, "I read that blog". I like being a little bit of inspiration for someone.

Ps: I got on the scale after many weeks of not getting on it. I lost 2 lbs. I feel good about that.

8 Months Later - Please Read

I took the week off from work so I could relax. After my 5k yesterday and sitting to talk with friends and family, I pause to reflect on the past eight months, what has changed and what challenges I still face. (I also included links on key words to past posts if you are interested.)

I am sitting in the same bedroom I wrote my first post from a little over eight months ago. I wish I could say I've been completely successful. Ofcourse there have been success but there have also been challenges I haven't been able to overcome yet. There have been  new experiences and falling into ruts and I've figured out this mental game is harder than it looks. 

My successes seem few and far between but they have been big to me. I finally got out of my butt rut. Although there is some time still spent on the couch, I am not there as much. I have been successful in getting into the idea of working out after work 3 to 4 times a day. Hell, I have even gotten to the point (some days) where I crave the exercise and am disappointed if it is raining or I have other plans for the day. I have run (walk/jog) two 5k runs in the past two weeks. I've run in the rain and it's not all that bad. On Monday, I ran over seven minutes without stopping out of the start line and I felt good. Couch to 5k has been really working for me...I think (this week I progress to week 4).

I've curbed my self-diagnosed depression. This spring has been so different from the few months after my hubby and I moved into our house last June. The days and weeks of him trying to pull me off my butt to get outside and work in the yard are a distant memory. There are weeks where watching the weather for the weekend almost becomes and obsession because I want it to be not raining so I can get into the yard. Our overgrown yard is slowly, but surely, getting under control. I think the enjoyment that exercise brings has been a huge help with this. I sleep so much better now because I am getting outside more. The fresh air has done me some good.

I have met some amazing friends through this world of blogging. The #priorfatpack was formed a few months ago through a furry of Twitter tweets among a small group of people that wanted to form a group that would have similar goals of getting healthy and losing weight in the process. One thing I have been doing more often lately is doing things that make me uncomfortable. The potluck The Pack had on Sunday night was one of those moments. I had originally invited a friend to come with me but I ended up going alone and boy, I was really nervous.... I am so HAPPY I went alone! I was uncomfy for a couple of minutes but was instantly drawn into the group like we had known each other for years. They were there to cheer me on when I crossed the finish line yesterday and I made sure I rang my cowbell loud whenever a pink-shirted member came around the corner! I am grateful for the support and love of The Pack. I make it almost sound like a cult! Maybe it will become a movement? Googling us will even come up with correct results!

Really at this point in the game, I thought I would have atleast been at 200lbs or less. To be honest, the scale hasn't moved much since the first week of this process. I try to live in denial, even yesterday, about why the scale hasn't moved in 8 months. I work out, burning at least a couple thousand calories a week. The scale should be moving but we all know it is not all about the calories expelled. It's just as importantly about the calories consumed. THIS has been the main struggle for me. I have not been really counting the calories with what I have been eating. Lunch with my friend Becky yesterday centered around talk of planning her wedding and my healthiness journey. I had expressed to her that I am working out but not losing any weight or inches. But I haven't gained weight or inches either. She asked if I was really watching what I was eating and I couldn't honestly give her the answer I wanted to give her. I wish I could have said "Yes" but it would have been a lie. My sister asked me the same question later in the evening while dinner was being prepared. 

I am not going to say it here today that I am going to start counting calories because I have said it before. It is just something that I need to do. I bite it, I write it (stolen from Jen over at Priorfatgirl).  The decision has been made. How long do they say it takes to make something a habit? Ofcourse everyone is different but from what I could find, 30-40 repetitions looks like a common comment. So that means if I track for a month or more, it should become a habit? That isn't too bad.  We will see where I am in 5 weeks!

I wanted to thank everyone for their support over the last 8 months. To my family and friends who donated to my ABTA run, thank you! To my priorfatpack, thank you! To my parents, thank you! To my sister, the Ironlady, thank you for your little words of encouragement. I wouldn't have been able to do it without you and I will still need your support in the future.

A New Idea

We had a freak rain storm on my lunch break. I realized my windows were open in my car about 15 minutes after it started. Atleast I have leather seats so I just have to wipe them down with a towel. Later in the afternoon, my boss and I watched as hail plummeted our cars. We were just hoping that the hail wouldn't get any bigger than peas. We don't need any damage to our cars.

I actually was able to pull myself out of bed early this morning to get my workout in before work. The hot and humid weather did not seem appealing for running. Even this morning it was it was 60 degrees at 6am. I was thinking it had cooled down pretty nicely overnight. But I failed to look at the humidity level, which was obviously high! I was already sweating 5 minutes into my 25 minute workout. Most of my customers are complaining that it is supposed to cool down after the rain comes today. I am really fine with that because it makes for better weather for working out. Who cares if the high for the day is 60. If you are cold, put on my layers!

While I was running, I was thinking about how frustrated I have been lately with the scale. How the crap did I gain 5 pounds over the last couple of weeks! I haven't really changed how I have been eating but I have really ramped up my amount of exercising by quite a bit. I have gotten comments from people that I look like I have lost weight, from both my husband and a friend. I told them thank you but I still wonder why the scale creeps up. Could I believe that I am building muscle, which of course weighs more than fat (or is it that muscle is more dense than fat?)? I do realize that I have muscles around my middle that I havent had the opportunity to feel in a while.

Weighing myself makes me frustrated and then I just want to emotionally eat. Sometimes, the thought crosses my mind that I should just give up and start living the lifestyle I used to when I didn't work out  and didnt watch what I eat and I didnt gain or lose wieght. Sometimes I feel like that would just be easier. But then again, I think that I don't want to go back to when it was easier. I am actually enjoying the challenge of training for a 5k, an ultimately my duathlon in September. If I gave up, I would never get to complete my 10 Things. I wouldn't continue to feel my legs and lungs getting stronger each time I walk/jog/bike. I would just feel my but getting bigger and fatter while I sit on the couch.

So how am I going to keep myself going and not get overly frustrated with the number on the scale? I think I am going to give up the scale for a month and go strictly on how I feel. Maybe I will keep track of my measurements instead of the pounds. I just have to do something different because I cant let the number on the scale pull me down. It is really ruining the running high. I'm so proud of myself with the progress I've made on my running. The scale is just not worth it. So I am going to weigh myself tomorrow morning and then forget about the scale for the month. I will weigh myself in a month and see what happens. Here's to a new adventure

I Caught Myself...

....dancing around the kitchen to some of my favorite songs!

 Calvin and Hobbes

You thought I was going to say something along the lines of "I caught myself binge eating today". I can't say that today was the best food day for me but I am passed that already and onto better feelings.

I've heard of friends that talk about the post-running good feelings. Sheesh, while I was "running" today, I just wanted to rip my legs off and stop! My legs hurt so much, and I'm going to have to figure out why my left foot goes numb about 35 minutes into my workout. That's for another day I suppose so I will add it to my list of blog ideas! I think I must be having one of those post-run euphorias.  Usually when I come home from work, I sit myself down on the couch, right infront of the tv and only get up to make dinner. The moment I got home after doing  3.22 miles (a little more than a 5k) in 49 minutes, I made some mini meatless pizzas out of English Muffins and some traditional toppings. While those were heating in the toaster oven, I cut up two acorn squash that have been sitting on my counter for too long. Those are now cooling on the counter and the pizzas have been eaten. They were quite yummy.

Suddenly as I was cleaning the dishes for the night, I caught myself grooving around the kitchen sink to the music coming from my computer! I don't do things like that! Especially in a well lit kitchen where all the curtains were open where my neighbors might see me! My friends know I am a horrible dancer and can't seem to get my body to move to the correct beat. That's why while I was in college, the dance club wasn't visited until the end of a night at the bars. I'm even bobbing my head here as I type this! Ahhh!

I think I am enjoying this post-run good feeling even if it sucks major while I am doing it. I guess those are the endorphins that are making me feel better. And as I type this I'm slowly getting tired. I guess maybe I am coming off that euphoria? Or not. I plan to keep the tv off this night. It's very rare the tv doesn't get turned on in my house; it's usually turned on by me. Not tonight. I have other things I can do tonight, like read blogs and books. I'm making a choice.

Days 'till race: 172 Eeek!

Fake It and Nike +

It's finally starting to get nice outside again. I'm hoping that maybe this is finally the end of winter. It sure has been a brutal one!

Well, because the weather has been a little bit nicer, 42 degrees today, I decided to call up my friend Kinsey to see if she wanted to go for a walk/jog with me. She is the person that helped me get moving in the fall. She had an injury which had her laid up for quite a few weeks. I really needed someone there to push me and having someone there depending on my showing up helps me immensely.  The goal for the afternoon was to do 2 miles in 30 minutes. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off since I hadn't worked out for over a week. And there were hills! Oh boy, were my calves killing me when we hit that hill but I pushed through and finished that interval. My calves were tight but I walked through that too.

I was reading Jen's blog over at Prior Fat Girl.  She said she's been in "Fake it till you make it" mode. I've been feeling that same way lately...a lot! That's really why I need someone there to push me through those times where I really just want to stop and lay down. And the motivation I got from my successful 2 mile run in just over 27 minutes will push me through tomorrow's work out. AND according to Kinsey's Nike +, the first mile was run in a time of 12 minutes and 18 seconds! I think that's pretty good motivation to keep going.

Speaking of Nike +, they are pretty neat. I can really see why to get one, or something similar. The things I keep track of on Dailymile are automatically kept track for you on the Nike +. I think I eventually would like to get something like this because of how easy it is but it is definitely not in the budget right now. I do really like how it keeps track of your pace from mile to mile. I know I could get that from a watch that has some sort of GPS system, once again, not in the budget. Hopefully sometime soon! If you have any recommendations for gear like this, let me know.

Accepting Compliments

I have been trying to write but I just have had writer's block for the past couple of weeks. I notice that entry ideas pop up at me at the most random moments, such as today when one of my customers gave me a compliment.

In the past few years, I have noticed that it is hard for me to accept a compliment, especially from people I dont know AND especially when it's about my weight or my looks.

I have two comments today from customers:
1.  "When are you expecting" (Hate that one!)
2. "Wow, you look like you've lost weight" (from a woman who has lost over 100lbs herself)

I'll touch on the second one tonight. I've gotten that comment twice in the past week from two different customers. I haven't really lost nearly as much weight as I wish I would have by now but maybe I am toning my body a bit?  In the past, before I was "destroying dead ends", I would have given the compliment-er some excuse about my clothing fitting well.  Over the past few weeks, I've been accepting the compliments and responding with a "Thank You" and a smile. Instead of just brushing the compliments off and forgetting about them, I am taking them and cherishing them.

I stole the following words from Todd Smith at Littlethingsmatter.com

Do You Recognize a Compliment When You Hear One?

Defined as an expression of praise, commendation, or admiration, compliments should be pretty easy to recognize, but can be tough to spot when we’re focused on ourselves. Here are two examples:

“Have you lost weight, Mary? You look terrific!”

• “It must be the outfit.”

Mary is sending a message that she’s self conscious about her weight and/or she doesn’t deserve credit for her efforts.

“I’m really happy with the way you handled yourself on that call, Bill.”

• “Yea, but I wish I would have remembered to tell them about the discount.

Bill is sending a message that he doesn’t think he’s good enough and that he is not able to see the potential benefit that may come from his contribution.

Responding to a Compliment

These two examples may seem obvious, but remember that compliments come in many forms. Whatever the situation, there is a proper way to acknowledge praise, commendation, or admiration.

• Make eye contact. Acknowledging a compliment is a perfect time to connect with someone. Look the person in the eye when you respond. Doing so communicates sincerity and self-confidence.

• Say, “Thank you.” A sincere, unhurried ‘thank you’ along with a smile and eye contact is more often than not all that is necessary.

• Don’t explain anything. If you feel moved, you can follow your ‘thank you’ with something positive. Doing so communicates desirable character traits such as friendliness and positivity. Caution: If you can’t keep it brief and will be tempted to explain or rationalize your action or accomplishment, leave it at a simple ‘thank you.’

I think this is really some advice that everyone should take and run with.

PS: It's crazy snowing outside and I am hoping for a day off from work in the morning.

Overcoming Temptation

Two things tonight...well three. 

1. I'm watching the Biggest Loser.

2. My very own husband told me that he finally caught up on his reading of this blog. My very own husband also told me that in my video last week, it looks like I have no neck. I guess I am going to have to work on that.

and 3. I came home from work ready to wimp out of my workout tonight by skipping out on it. Until I read a friend's Facebook post about skipping a nap to get on the treadmill. So, after throwing a load of laundry in the machine and getting some dinner into the oven, I did a 35 minute work out on the Wii. I really only have three nights to work out this week and I need to take advantage of that. So I'm really happy that I overcame that temptation to sit tonight.

This weekend Pat and I are heading to South Dakota to visit his family. I have never used a hotel workout room before but I think this might be the right time to give it a try. I really need to figure out if our hotel has such a thing. I am really looking forward to getting on the treadmill at my parent's house. I haven't really taken the opportunity to run since it's gotten cold outside. I need to really just overcome that wimp talking in my head. I just need to get over it.

Video, Successes, and a Confession

Oh god it’s video day. The guy from the phone company is here to fix our phones, finally. Our DSL connection came back lastnight but the phones are still dead, no sound, no static, nothing. The guy said it was on their end (yay) and that he would get it fixed within the hour. Not enough time for me to make it to work for the day but I’ll just get to work on Saturday instead.

So I saw on someone else’s blog that they do a video of their goals at the beginning of each year. I thought that was a great idea and I would do that as well. 

Please don't judge me. That confession feels utterly embarrassing. I mean, those times should be in my past when I sit down and binge. It makes me want to cry. I’ll cover up the crying though with two success stories for the day.

Since I had the whole day off from work, waiting for the phone guy to show up, I had plenty of time on my hands to work out. I did a Kick Boxing routine for 30 mins this morning with Bob and Jillian on the Wii. Wow, I’m not coordinated. I hope that changes soon. After I ate that pizza tonight and watch ed the first hour of the Biggest Loser season premiere, I forced myself onto that bike in the basement to watch the second hour of the show. There were soooo many times I wanted to get off that bike but I made myself finish the whole hour. Sure, there were times when I stopped to take a breather but I didn’t let my feet touch the floor. The last fifteen minutes was filled with thoughts of “just get through the commercials, just get through until the next commercials”. It was hard but I did it. I don’t feel all that bad about the pizza anymore after I think about getting a full hour in on my bike. It’s the little successes I have that are the most important steps in making it to my goals.

Days ‘til race day: 264 (not many days left)

Loss of Grip

I realized last night that I was on the verge of losing my grip on the changes. I've started biting my nails again (boo). It's something I stopped doing over two months ago. I've been eating like crap again and I hadn't worked out for 4 days. I feel like I was losing control again.

I'm one of those weird people that feels like not having control is easier. There's anorexics that often crave the control they have over their weight. The control for me is tiring. It's exhausting to keep doing every day. I was frustrated at work today. Pat was supposed to join me for a workout. That didn't happen. I was sick of not having control over these past few days. I took the frustration out on the pavement. I worked through the pain in my legs. I passed a guy who was walking! I've never passed anyone! On a good note, I am now under 14:30min per mile. That sounds really lame but it's really good for me.

I have to admit, there are days I've posted, not admitting to myself that that day was a bad food day. I'm still running into problems with food. Yea, I've limited my exposure to Subway, which has been good but I was weak today and gave in to a foot long sandwich. Yea I can say tomorrow will be a better day and I'm extremely hopeful every morning when I get up. The fridge at work is completely stocked with healthy food for me. It's just that I have to keep myself at work to eat it. I don't keep crappy food at home so dinners are rarely a problem. It's those damn lunches. ARg!

I was good for dinner. I had a left over bbq chicken breast from last night. I tried, I really did try to have blanched broccoli with a little bit of salt and pepper. I was really trying to enjoy it as I gagged on it in my mouth. I could only manage to eat about three pieces before they went in the trash can. I did manage to have water instead of pop and an apple for dessert. Ugh! What am I going to do with myself about those bad lunches? I just need to avoid the temptations.

I'm working out with Kinsey again tomorrow night. I talked to her out of running the trail in the dark. So we are working Enterprise Dr. I'll have to check out that distance there. Only 16 more days until the Turkey Day 5k. Who thinks I can be up to jogging it by then?