How the Crap Did I Lose Weight?

I lost weight over the holiday week. How did that happen? More on that and my goals tonight.

Things to Write About and a Picture

I weighed myself yesterday. After a two weeks of not working out and a week of being sick, I figured I would have gained some weight back. The opposite was actually true. I actually lost weight! 219lbs yesterday morning. I actually let the scale reset itself and I weighed myself again. I don't really know what happened besides that maybe my appetite wasn't quite what it usually is. I haven't worked out for two weeks. I don't work out when I'm sick.  I'm still sick.

So what am I writing about tonight? The fact that I don't know what to write about. I know I have people that read this often and encourage me to keep writing. I seem to come up with these great blog entries at the most random times of the day. I need to start carrying a notebook or something that I can write these ideas down keeping them for future brain farts.

How about this one? Did you know that Christmas is only 11 days from today? That's scary right when I think about that I haven't done much of any shopping. I have Pat's gift but that's all I have. I am unsure if my family is planning on coming down to Madison for Christmas. I'm not sue yet if I am going to have to buy food for a Christmas meal or not. I was thinking something simple like ham, and Acorn Squash.  I love Acorn Squash, even more than I love Butternut Squash.  I haven't been doing much baking yet because I've been sick. I don't want to share this wonderful cold with my friends and family, especially around the holidays.

Here's our Christmas card picture this year. I think I did a pretty good job setting the camera up on the tripod and using the timer. I also love what I can do with Lightroom.

The Biggest Loser season finale is on now. I suppose I should go watch that.

Sick

I haven't posted in a week. 

Two weeks ago I got a flu shot, at my cardiologist's urging. I had never gotten one in the past. When I asked about getting sick from the shot, they told me it was a rumor that wasn't true.  They told me that people who get sick already have a virus in their system and the shot is just timing.  Well, two weeks later I'm sick.

I could feel it coming on last week. Just a general weakness and lack of motivation to do anything. I should have known it was coming. I could really feel it yesterday. I even told my boss not to expect me at work the next day. I didn't sleep last night. I was awake all night with various bouts of sleep. So just like predicted, I called in sick this morning. I hate calling in sick to work especially on Tuesdays when we are short staffed.

I tend not to eat much when I'm sick. The appetite just isn't there to motivate me enough to get off the couch to eat. I can count on one hand what I've eaten today. A bowl of cereal and yogurt for breakfast, a couple of handfuls of cheezits around 4, two pieced of pizza for dinner and 4 Halls cough drops.  Oh there were a couple of glasses of water in there to keep me hydrated while I work through my fever. There is definitely no working out when I'm sick. Like I said, butt off of the couch is difficult.

I hope I get to go back to work tomorrow. Although it's nice to have a day off, it sucks to be at home sick. I'd rather be at work. 

For weigh in yesterday, there was no gain...but no loss either.

The ER and Doctor's Orders

On a side note, I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. I woke up early on a Saturday morning with pain ripping  through my back. With my family's history of heart disease and my being medicated for high cholesterol, I freaked out. I made Pat take me to the ER at 5am. I really tried to calm down before I got to making that decision. The pain just didn't go away for the 30 minutes I tried to calm down. After numerous tests in the ER, they found that I was not having a heart attack. They kept me under observation for a few more hours so they could run some follow up tests to make sure they were still correct.

Doctor's orders were to go home, rest and make a follow-up appointment with my cardiologist. When I went home, my back hurt more until I was able to get some Advil in me and a heating pad on my muscles. I slept and sat around the rest of the day, and the rest of the weekend. I'm sad my freaking out made me miss a family gathering in Minnesota but I'd rather  be safe than sorry. The pain was gone by Monday morning. I pretty much figured out that I was just having back muscle spasms and Advil helped me with that pain.

My follow-up appointment with my cardiologist went well. They ran yet another EKG which came out normal. She could feel my back was tight. She prescribed me a work out of some sort of stretching. I think she would like to see me doing some yoga or pilates along with my aerobic workouts. I'm really looking for a dvd that will help me with the stretching and flexibility. (I was also given a great massage from Sister Anne over Thanksgiving!) If you have any ideas, I would greatly appreciate them.

When I was sitting in the ER that morning, I was thinking about how frustrating it is that my body is hurting so badly when I've been so good to myself. I'm supposed to be getting better by working out and eating well. I'm not supposed to be going to the hospital. Looking back on it, maybe it was my body telling me to just keep going. I never want to have to go to the ER again.

I just wanted to let you know that I only gained a pound over the last holiday week. I am going to be happy with that and I'm going to work through the next few weeks coming up to Christmas. Pat and I are planning on doing Christmas down here. It will be interesting what happens foodwise since we won't be going to the big family dinners and going out for drinks with friends. 

Turkey Day 5k

I really did want to do it but it was too dang cold. When I woke up on Thanksgiving morning, it was -10 degrees windchill and the air temperature was about 5 degrees above zero.  I didn't bring up the proper clothing for weather THAT chilly. I didn't have anything to protect my face for that weather. I still go up early and did a work out on the treadmill in my parent's basement. I would have felt like major crap if I didn't do any workout that morning. I did a 2 mile walk/run in 30 minutes. I was really pushing myself to run as long as I could without stopping. I am still really proud of myself for making it a half mile without stopping.

A Friend and An Accomplishment

I'm blogging tonight because I saw one of my sorority sisters on tv, specifically The Biggest Loser special tonight on NBC.

I am so happy to be able to support Shannon in her goal to make life changes. She was able to be involved in the first group to take advantage of the new Fitness North. Fitness North was started by a couple of previous Biggest Loser contestants. Shannon wrote about her experiences during her two week stay. Reading all of her entries made me feel that I was walking right along with her.

I worked out this morning. I've decided that running on a treadmill is easier than running on the road. I actually ran a full half mile! I know, I'm a dork but that is a huge accomplishment for me. My body aches now. Tomorrow is Turkey Day 5k and it's supposed to be the coldest Thanksgiving in 20 years. We are going to evaluate the weather when we get up in the morning. If we decide it's too cold, I plan on hitting the treadmill again to get that workout done.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

10 Year Reunion

My mom insists that I have to do another post because she "has nothing to read". So here is the post as promised.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up on Saturday. It was decided to do the party on the Saturday after Thanksgiving because it was a time when classmates would be home. We are gathering at Solera in downtown Minneapolis for drinks, appetizers and lots of chatting (I'm sure). This will be my first reunion since my class decided to not have a 5 year reunion.

Let me tell you a bit about my class. I graduated from Wayzata High School in 2000 with 600 other students. Most of us were heading off to a college for a 2 or 4-year degree, some were working, some were going to the military, and some didn't have any clue what they wanted to do. Graduation was held on the University of Minnesota campus and an all night party commenced back at the high school.  I was horribly sick but wouldn't miss graduation or the party for anything, even though my boyfriend at the time and best friend opted out. Only about 80 of those 600 are showing.

I look back at high school...and I don't miss much of it. I miss the band parts the most.  I regret some of the petty sh*t that happened during those years and some of it, I wish I could take back. I'm hoping some of that stuff is just crap that people have decided was just insignificant. I am hoping that most of the cliquey (is that a word) stuff is gone. I am looking forward to seeing people that I didn't talk to much during those years but that I have come to found are great people. There are the old friends that are coming that I am beyond excited to see, although I wish more of them were attending. And looking at the RSVP list, there are people I do not wish to see that are attending, although few. I will just be polite. I am happy that Pat graduated with me so I will be dragging him with me.

Sure, I wanted to look hot for this party. I wanted to lose all the weight I had gained since high school. I wanted to be accomplished, successful. BUT WHO CARES!? If someone is going to be judgmental of me, so be it. That's their problem that they feel the need to have to judge others to feel better. I made the decision a few months ago to only worry about myself. I plan on buying a new outfit and look stylish in this body.

The past ten years have been different for all of us. Some people have found their ideal careers, some haven't. Some classmates are doing something different then what they dreamed of when they are younger but they are still happy. Some classmates are single, married, divorced, bi, gay and lesbian.  Some have kids, some don't. I'm just excited to catch up with people that I haven't talked to in a while. In the days of Facebook and social networking I do know a lot about some of these classmates but I don't think it's the same as seeing them in person.

Overall, I'm looking forward to this reunion! See you all on Saturday!

I Hate Working Out Inside

Oh I suppose it was a weigh in day. I am down to 220.2 lbs. I want to live in denial and not post my weight for last week, which was a gain. But I will be happy this week that I am down in poundage overall this week.  So is that 8 lbs lost in 8 weeks? I need to get moving on that number. Blah.

So as many of you know, I have been running (more like walk/jogging) the past few weeks outside.  Somehow I managed to injure my back. It's very random to me. So I decided that tonight, I would work out on the elliptical machine that we own.  It has been living in the basement since we moved into our house. Pat was able to use it down there but I could not. Our basement has a drop ceiling and every time I would get on the thing, my head would pop up into the ceiling.  So, we finally moved the machine into our office, where a higher ceiling exists.

Using the elliptical made sense in my head. It is a low impact work out which is good for my back and it didn't require me bundling up to workout outside. I also have the luxury of turning on the tv and watching some tube while I'm exercising. There I am, working that machine and five minutes into it, my legs already hurt! Sure, I understand that there is some resistance that is has that my body doesn't give me when I'm on the road. It was a struggle for me to go 30 minutes and I only went 1.2 miles!!!!! I feel weak. Blah! I know it's better than sitting on the couch all night but after thirty minutes, I wanted to put on all those thermal shirts and sprint down the street in the complete darkness of my neighborhood, just to release some frustration with the elliptical.

I think I know why I had exercising inside. It's boring! Yes, sometimes I do hate it that I tend to go out-and-back when I'm outside but if I go so far out, I HAVE to come back, one way or another. And yes, I am one of those crazy people that grew up in Minnesota and I love the snow and the cold weather is invigorating.  Although I'm not as crazy as my buddy Christian who runs 6 miles barefoot in the snow and enjoys it. I would rather have snow over sand. For now on, I will continue to workout outside and I will use the elliptical when its raining or windy or just too damn cold (which it sometimes happens here).

Turkey Day 5k is just 10 days away. If you are spending the holiday in the Twin Cities I would recommend doing this event. You can register online or on the day of.  I did it with my family last year and I think it will become a new tradition. So start a new tradition with your family this year. Although it was really hard to get out of bed that morning last year, I didn't feel quite so guilty having two Thanksgiving meals later in the day.  And everyone is sooo impressed that you got up early that morning and did that 5k. It feels good physically and emotionally. Oh and you're bound to run into one or two people you know.

For tomorrow's post: 10 year high school reunion special

A great day

I just wanted to do a two sentence post before work. I had a great food AND workout day yesterday. We wont count the small bag of doritos I sneaked.

Loss of Grip

I realized last night that I was on the verge of losing my grip on the changes. I've started biting my nails again (boo). It's something I stopped doing over two months ago. I've been eating like crap again and I hadn't worked out for 4 days. I feel like I was losing control again.

I'm one of those weird people that feels like not having control is easier. There's anorexics that often crave the control they have over their weight. The control for me is tiring. It's exhausting to keep doing every day. I was frustrated at work today. Pat was supposed to join me for a workout. That didn't happen. I was sick of not having control over these past few days. I took the frustration out on the pavement. I worked through the pain in my legs. I passed a guy who was walking! I've never passed anyone! On a good note, I am now under 14:30min per mile. That sounds really lame but it's really good for me.

I have to admit, there are days I've posted, not admitting to myself that that day was a bad food day. I'm still running into problems with food. Yea, I've limited my exposure to Subway, which has been good but I was weak today and gave in to a foot long sandwich. Yea I can say tomorrow will be a better day and I'm extremely hopeful every morning when I get up. The fridge at work is completely stocked with healthy food for me. It's just that I have to keep myself at work to eat it. I don't keep crappy food at home so dinners are rarely a problem. It's those damn lunches. ARg!

I was good for dinner. I had a left over bbq chicken breast from last night. I tried, I really did try to have blanched broccoli with a little bit of salt and pepper. I was really trying to enjoy it as I gagged on it in my mouth. I could only manage to eat about three pieces before they went in the trash can. I did manage to have water instead of pop and an apple for dessert. Ugh! What am I going to do with myself about those bad lunches? I just need to avoid the temptations.

I'm working out with Kinsey again tomorrow night. I talked to her out of running the trail in the dark. So we are working Enterprise Dr. I'll have to check out that distance there. Only 16 more days until the Turkey Day 5k. Who thinks I can be up to jogging it by then?

Unwanted Comments

I thought of something tonight that I really wanted to post about. I could post about the wonderful workout of walking/jogging with Kinsey. I greatly appreciate her pushing me to run just a little further. She's shooting on running 20 miles in May. God bless her for that! I'm not really sure I'm going to be able to achieve that by May. I'm hoping that I can do that Krazy Legs run, which I believe is 8k. Anyway, we did 3 miles in an hour. It's not a fast pace but my body hurts right now. I think I may lay on the floor before I climb into bed.

The thing I really wanted to post about tonight is about a comment I get from people more often then I thought I would. Often times, when I feel comfy enough with a person, I will reveal to them what my current weight is.  The comment I often get is "You don't look like you weigh that much." Um...thanks?

You know who they picture when I tell them I weigh 222lbs? They think of someone shorter and rounder than me. They think of someone that has trouble getting out of bed, someone that breathes heavy and gasps for air. They picture jiggly fat tucked up into a too tiny baby tee-shirt. I tend to carry my weight on my butt, hips and thighs. It wasn't until recently that I started carrying it on my belly. I guess when there is no where else for it to go, it's going to go to the places where it hasn't already.

There are so many comments people have made besides this one, including "When are you due?". That's a bad one too. On a side note, I had a customer ask me that at work the other day. And when I smiled to make the awkwardness go away and told her "No, not yet", she kept going saying something about how it looks like I have a little belly. I wanted to reach over the counter and slap her. (sorry that thought wasn't very professional). Usually after I tell people that I'm not pregnant, they become slightly more embarrassed than myself and apologize.

This comment about not looking like what I weigh just bothers me. I try to wear clothing that is appropriate for my body size. I am lucky that I am 5'10'' so the weight kinda spreads out, I guess. But it isn't so much what I look like but how I feel about myself at this weight and how I FEEL at this weight. I want my shin splints to go away. I never had them before the weight. I want to feel comfortable in my clothing. I want my cholesterol to be down, I need it to be down so maybe, just maybe, someday I'll be able to go off my medication. I want to be able to have a baby. I want to be energetic.

Being fat isn't just about how I look. It's about me. I don't want it to be a part of me anymore.

Time to lay on the floor. Goodnight

Current Music: Time After Time - Cindy Lauper

Brown Bag It!

http://www.webmd.com/diet/guide/brown-bag-lunches-that-make-grade

1000 Views and Some Struggles

Last night this blog hit it's 1000th view. It's pretty impressive for having only had the blog for little over a month.  I'm grateful for everyone that has checked out my slow progress. It's some motivation to keep going.

This has been a hard week so far, well today was hard. I had a weak moment in the candy isle at Walgreens. I shouldn't have even gone to there.  I knew it when I did it. I just did. I'm disappointed in myself but I have to move on from there and start again tomorrow.  The french fries for dinner also didn't help the cause.

Pat and I have sooooooooo many reasons to not go out to eat. I mean, there is the fact that we can make food at home that is healthier because we have control over the ingredients. But there is also the fact that we can save money by eating at home.  When we first moved down here we would eat out all the time. We probably ate out more than we ate in. When we decided a year ago to buy a house, we figured out that we need to save some money and the thing that stuck out in our heads was to limit the amount we go out for dinner and/or lunch.  We are down to about one night a week out for dinner, which I think is pretty good. So why do I feel guilty about one night a week? Probably because we spent so much money on groceries and we have food in our fridge that is perfectly good. Ugh!

Anyone have healthy ideas for the head of broccoli I have in the fridge that isn't stir fry???

7lbs Down and a Workout Partner

It sounds so small when I say it that way. I lost 7 lbs in 5 weeks. That's just a little over 1lb a week. In a year, that would be 52 lbs. I dont think that's too bad of an accomplishment.

Yesterday I posted about what I was going to do about working out after it got dark. I think that was yesterday. A friend of mine decided that she was going to train for a marathon. So I am going to try to train with her.  I told her I'm a horrible runner and that I can't even run 1/4 mile right now. It's horrible. I don't really know if I am going to be able to run the 5k on Thanksgiving. Anyway, Kinsey lives and works in Verona so I can walk/run down the lit streets in Verona with her. Yippie for a partner.

It's Getting Cold Outside

Happy Halloweeny! 

While Pat and I were outside a couple of weeks ago raking the plethora of leaves in our yard, one of our neighbors stopped by to introduce herself. Somewhere in the conversation, she mentioned that Halloween is a little bit quiet around here because most of the parents in the neighborhood take their kids into town.  We live in a rural neighborhood where the houses are fairly spaced apart. But she said she makes her kids walk the neighborhood and they usually go with another set or our neighbors.  She said that they are usually the only ones out on Halloween night. So we took her advice to heart and only bought a couple of bags of candy, which is probably one too many. The bag of Kit Kats was opened about a week ago and the other bag hasn't been opened yet.  Halloween candy is a weakness for me but I think I'm doing pretty well this year.

Onto my main topic of the day. That's right, it's that time of the year when it gets cold outside. Daylight savings time ends next weekend so besides getting cold, it's also going to be dark by the time I get home at night. I don't really mind the fact that it's cold, I do mind that it's dark outside. Our new neighborhood is not well lit, well, it's not lit at all! There are no street lights around.  I am usually an afternoon/evening workout person so I am trying to come up with some ways to solve my darkness problem. I have thought about bringing my work out stuff to work and walking/jogging right after work in Verona where they have street lights. That would mean I wouldn't get home at night until 6 or 6:30. The other couple of options I've thought about include buying an Indoor Trainer. The other option is for Pat to help me move our elliptical machine upstairs. It's in the basement right now and I can't use it because the ceiling is too low down there. My head just works its way right up into the ceiling if I try to use it.

I've also thought of outdoor solutions. I'm one of those strange people that actually does enjoy the snow up here in the great north. I know nothing beats sitting inside on a snowy night with a cup of hot cocoa but I also love being all bundled up and making snow angels. So I was trying to come up with activities I could get into during the weekends or on my days off that involved winter weather. I've thought that I should get back into Nordic Skiing. That would require a bit of extra money for purchasing wax and such but not overly expensive. I haven't skied since high school so I have no idea what condition my skis are in and I don't really like to ski by myself and Pat doesn't have Cross Country skis. We could rent him some I suppose.

Snow Shoeing is the other outdoor winter activity I came up with. I haven't ever tried it but it could be fun and a great work out AND it can be done anywhere. I wouldn't have to find specific trails to do it on.

For today though, I think I am just going to bundle up against the 40 degree weather and go for a walk. 

Favorite Things

So I was going to do a post about how great of a day I had today, until I ate a role of Rolos. Food was great today.

Breakfast: Whole wheat bagel thin with some low fat cream cheese

Lunch: 40 minute walk, Lasagna Lean Cuisine, fruit cup (pears) in juice, low fat strawberry yogurt and some diet Mt. Dew.

Dinner: Pat and I didnt feel like cooking so we went to BW3 where I had grilled chicken buffalito (yummy) with a lemonade.

I felt pretty good at the end of the day. I wasn't tired like I usually get when I don't eat well.



So in respect to the fact that I am watching the Sound of Music reunion on Oprah, I wanted to make a great list of all my favorite things. These are things that make me happy. I find that through this journey of change that there is a lot of negative self-talk. So, on to some great positive things, that may be slightly random!

Pat
Alyssa
Mom&Dad
Friends
Kitty cats
Musicals
Snow(flakes)
Memories
Cozy Soft Old Quilts
Colorful Maple Leaves(pressed in Grandma's dictionary)
Rainbows
Strawberries
S'mores
Rice Krispy Bars
Watermelon
Love
Fiction
Photography
Great Teachers
Piano Music
Christmas Music (:P)
Austria
The Sound of Music makes me smile
Ice Cream


I'll add to this list later.

Changing Tastebuds?

Pat and I went to the grocery store tonight. I filled up the cart with good healthy foods. By the time we got home, it was after 8pm and I didn't feel like cooking.  It's ironic isn't it that I just went to the grocery store to stock my house and I didn't feel like cooking? So while I was cutting up a very delicious pineapple, Pat boiled some water to make some Velveeta Shells and Cheese, low fat addition.  I was weak and had some of his shells and cheese...and they made me gag to the point where I had to have Pat eat the rest of my bowl.  I used to eat that all the time in college, often with seasoned salt. I just couldn't bring myself to eat anymore than a couple of spoonfuls because they just didn't taste good. 

Don't shoot me but I also threw away a grande non-fat mocha from Starbucks this morning. I think I was dehydrated and all I really wanted was a big bottle of water. I feel like I wasted the 4 bucks I spent on that drink but it didn't taste good enough to me.

I wish I could get this way with soda (pop for all you MN people). I need to get to the point of it tasting like crap. Pat and I don't have it in the house anymore but I do find myself craving it often. I need to drink more milk as well. It will be interesting to see where my tastebuds take me.

I am planning on a few home cooked comfort foods this week. Beef stew is on the menu, as well as Turkey Tacos tomorrow night, and spicy chicken soup in the crockpot probably Thursday or Friday (let me know if you want the recipe, it's super simple). 

Should I go?

Trying to decided if i want to go to this.

They had a similar gathering this last weekend in the Twin Cities. I'm thinking about picking up a couple of tickets for myself and a friend but I really dont know if I can afford it or not.  I think it could be a lot of fun.

I will do another post later.

Friends

...Or lack of.

Tamara came to visit with her boyfriend Corey tonight. I haven't seen here since the end of July at Andrea's wedding. Tamara used to work with me at Anchorbank, but she has now moved on to bigger and better things and I miss her.

Truthfully, I don't have any very close girl friends here in Madison. No friends that I can talk about anything with, no girlfriends that I can tell my secrets to. I do enjoy times with Michelle (another former coworker) and Anne. And I do feel that I could have a close relationship with Jana and Kinsey has been reaching out quite a bit. But the girls I am closest with now don't live here. Four of them are in the cities now and Tamara has moved north as well and Alicia is in Milwaukee.

I wish I would have taken more advantage of the time I had with Becky while she was here in Madison. There were times I spent most of my time with Pat. And she's not here anymore and I miss our Thursday night dinners while watching Grey's Anatomy. I did manage a great day at the Arboretum and a great picture of her. She was also the crazy amazing personal attendant at my wedding. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to live up to her standards. Becky is one of those friends I can talk to about anything. So is Christina.

Becky


Christina has been my closest friend since, well we've been close since our junior or senior year in high school when we sat next to each other in Chemistry class (trying to listen) but I have known her since Jr. High. Even when I went away for college and then moved to Madison, we kept in touch, we told each other our secrets. I was there on the phone when she told me the news about her mom's cancer, I was there on the phone during the final hours before her mom beautiful soul left this planet. I was there on the phone throughout school, through new men, and then later when those men were making us cry. I feel horrible because I haven't talked to her in over a month. I miss our once weekly phone calls. Christina

Andrea and Tamara are both wonderful ladies that I used to work with at the bank. Like I said above, Tamara moved north to live with her boyfriend Corey. I know she misses it down here but every time I meet Corey, the more I like him. I think he is good for her. Andrea lives in the cities with her husband. They got married a couple of months ago. I'm excited for them. I really like Andrea and I think if she would have stayed down here, we could have had the opportunity to be much closer friends. Andrea and I have joked that her and I just need to switch lives because most of her friends and family are in this area and mine are up where she lives.Andrea and Tamara (my bachelorette party)

Alicia is in Milwaukee. Alicia, I met her at a party in college. She was in the sorority I was thinking about joining. We didn't become very close until her senior year, mostly because she and I were the only two that stuck around to clean up after events. Alicia and I spend most of our time now meeting in Johnson's Creek for some outlet mall shopping, switching off to drive between her house or mine and chit chatting about various things on the phone. I am her son's Godmother. She is another friend I don't call often enough and fail to return phone calls too.Me and Alicia

Then there is my sister. She's in the cities too. She's my sister. I know she'll be there the rest of my life. She is my biggest supporter on this journey of change and betterment in myself. We've had a pretty quiet past. We fought a lot when we were younger, like sisters are supposed to do and sometimes we still don't agree but she's still my sister and I love her.Me and Alyssa (I wish I could crop myself out)

What it comes down to is that I have made friends here but then they leave. I would never replace these ladies. I just miss having someone to be able to call up on the spur of a moment. I'm sure I'll find someone soon. Or someone I can be motivated with. Pat's good at that but it's not the same as having a girlfriend to do it with. I'm sure there will be someone else I just have to be patient.

Don Lee Farms

I was at my parent's house this weekend and I needed a quick meal while I was running out the door. So my mom warmed up a Veggie Burger for me that she had gotten at Costco. Now, I've had Boca Burgers and these were so much better. Theses are actually vegan as well. I was impressed. I had it on a whole wheat sandwich flat. Just the patty and the flat. It was extremely yummy. Now I just need to find someone who has a Costco membership so I can go get some soon! Oh and 170 Calories per patty! Great snack!

Eating Out

Pat has been a little stressed lately so when he got home, he didn't really want to spend time making dinner. So we went out, something quick and easy of course. Noodles it was. I have always thought that Noodles has some good food on their menu, good meaning healthy. I always order either their Pad Thai or Pasta Fresca. Tonight it was Pasta Fresca, no tomatoes and grilled chicken breast. I never remember that Noodles has a small sized bowl for all of their dishes. So I ordered a regular. I ate until I was full, leaving about 1/3 of my total meal there on my plate which is now in the fridge.

When I got home, I brought up their website on my computer and I pulled up their nutrition facts. I shocked at how many calories are in a regular bowl of Pasta Fresca, and then I added grilled chicken on top of that. Tonight's meal, had I eaten every last bite would have been over 900 calories. I have decided I either need to stop eating out or I need to do what Jen over at A Prior Fat Girl does. If she is going out for dinner, she pulls up the menu ahead of time and decides what she is going to eat before she even gets there. I thought this was an amazing idea! Now I just need to make sure I do it. Had I looked at their menu and nutrition facts ahead of time, I probably would have gotten a small size of some meal. Or their Tomato Bisque soup (which I hear is really yummy).

Shin Splints

Oh Lordy my shins hurt when I walk at a pretty quick pace. They hurt when I am done doing my tiny bit of jogging that I do during my walks. They only stop hurting when I either walk for 45 minutes or more or I just stop moving. I'm spending some time tonight reading about how to either prevent them or keep the pain from being so bad. If anyone has pointers, I will take them. I'm pretty sure that once I get my weight down, they wont be so bad, or at least I hope they wont be so bad.

Hills

I did a two mile walk with Pat before dinner tonight. While we were walking it, it didn't really feel like we were walking it all that fast...but then there were the hills. Gmaps doesn't account for the hills. At the entrance to our neighborhood, there is a nasty hill and that nasty hill always comes up at the beginning and the end of the workout. My calves were killing me on the way up the hill. Pat offered to go get the car (jokingly) to pick me up. I love running down the hills, it makes running seem so easy when I have gravity working with me.

I know my body is going to hurt in the morning because of these nasty hills. But the pain is going to be a good pain...I think. I did do some stretching after tonight's workout. I know I have pain issues when I don't stretch. But tomorrow, I might have pain even with the stretching.

I'm really trying to take advantage of the sunlight after work while I still have it. It really is an outside motivator to get myself to exercise. My neighborhood is really dark so I wont be able to work out in the winter. I love exercising outside in the winter. (I know I'm weird) I was thinking I might be working out in Verona, since the streets are lit, and then I'll be heading home after that to make dinner. It's just a thought. While it's still light outside after work, I will be taking advantage of it.

I had weigh in this morning. Just like I had predicted, I did gain some weight. I weighed in this morning at 223lbs. So its only a gain of 0.6lbs.

Oh My God!

I went to Panera yesterday morning and had a cinnamon roll and a frozen coffee drink. I just used their website to track my calories. In that teeny tiny meal, I ate 1200 calories. OH MY GOD!

Here is their evil website that gives you the calorie counts

http://www.paneranutrition.com/

No Title Needed

I don't think I stuck to the diet plan this weekend.

Friday..what do say about Friday? Subway (6 in) for lunch and Chipotle for dinner. I felt find after I ate lunch. I was ok with doing a 6 inch sandwich. I don't really know what came over me for dinner though. It was the craving and giving into the craving that caused me to binge that night. I ate a whole chicken burrito and I regretted it right away. I used to be able to it one of those a week. I haven't had one for about two months and I don't know if I'll be able to do another whole burrito again. I was sick to my stomach right away. I think next time it might be a good choice to get a burrito bowl instead and only eat half of that. After dinner and a trip home to change, Pat and I went to a friends wedding in Verona. I stuck to one drink and one cupcake. The cupcake was an amazing vanilla cupcake filled with raspberry filling. My sister was at my house by the time we got home from the wedding.

On Saturday morning, Pat, Alyssa and I got up early to head down to campus to see the Badger/Gopher football game. I didn't made a good decision about breakfast at Panera. I had some crappy beer before the game and a pretzel with nacho cheese for lunch. Dinner was a couple pieces of frozen pizza. Pat and I had some friends over for a bonfire. I did manage to stay away from the beer and had water instead. I didn't get any specific exercise yesterday besides all the walking to and from the football field.

This morning was started at the Pancake Cafe for breakfast with my sister. I did opt for the egg beaters in my omelet instead of real eggs. I actually don't mind having egg beaters, I've gotten used to the taste. Also, I had an english muffin instead of pancakes. I also didn't finish my full meal. After breakfast, the three of us drove up to Devils Lake to get some great pictures of the lake and the trees since they are changing some amazing colors.

I'm really nervous about my weigh in tomorrow morning. I have a great feeling that I actually gained something instead of losing it. It was a hard week. I didn't get as much movement into my days. I didn't walk during my lunch period like I had been the week before. It's a new week I suppose.

Cravings

I haven't worked out for a couple of days now. Work has been stressful, which is an even better reason to work out to relieve that stress. Pat and I are watching the Twins game right now. It looks like they may not be winning this one either.

I had a craving for McDonald's breakfast this morning. I usually get a number 11 (two breakfast burrito meal) with a small oj. I dont know if its the worst thing on the menu or not. I just happen to really like them. I talked myself out of it by having a bowl of cheerios here at home. I will probably have to talk myself out of it tomorrow morning too.

Tonight I had a craving for Chipotle. I once again just got in my car and went the other direction towards home so I could just wait for the craving to go away, which it did at some point because when I got home, I told Pat I had changed my mind. So I had leftovers, which were better for me and less expensive

Calories

So I thought I had a really bad day as far as food goes. I binged a bit at my lunch and went to Subway again, this time ordering a foot long turkey and ham sub which is a whopping 600 calories. AND then I didn't have a diet soda with my meal AND I ate a bag of Cheetos. Now that is bad. I added up my calories for the day and I'm still at a fairly low number of calories. I estimate that I ate 1300 calories today. I didn't think that was all that bad.

I had some delicious crockpot chili for dinner. I love how much the protein in beans fills up my belly. The serving that I did have is making me feel so full right now.

As for the calories, I'm not really sure how much I'm supposed to be eating every day. I suppose I am going to have to figure that out from doing some research.

Watching the Biggest Loser right now.

A Good Week

I'm sitting on the couch, in my butt rut. Lol that rhymes! The cat is sitting my tummy, making it somewhat hard to type. I am amazed that this cat has become a lap pet. I never thought she actually would.
I got on the scale this morning. I am down 6 lbs. Now I have to say some of that was water weight. But I still worked for those pounds so I will take them and keep going.

I dragged Pat out for a walk this evening after work. It was much needed after the day I had at work. I am really working on using walking as a stress reliever instead of eating. I want to get to the point that I'm craving walking or being outside instead of food. Is that possible? There were a few times last week when I would be sitting at my desk at work just thinking about putting my running shoes on and going for a short walk during my lunch break. I didn't walk today during lunch. I was just so busy and my lunch period went far too fast.

I just got off the phone with my mom. She tells me Congratulations on the pounds lost. And I said thanks. This is a battle worth fighting and eventually winning.

Listening to "It Depends on the Context" by The Mighty Orange Trio

Weekly Weigh In

I weighed myself this morning. I am down 6 lbs to 222.2lbs. More to post tonight when I get home.

The Couch

I worked yesterday. It was the first Saturday I had worked in a couple of months. And it was cold yesterday. It was the first night that we had to bring the plants in from outside to avoid killing them. After work, I came home to eat some lunch and then promptly sat my ass down on the couch.

The Couch. The couch that Pat has written off because the cat has left too man claw marks in the suede. The couch that has a soft spot in it from too many hours of my ass sitting on it. Yes, I said it, a soft spot. A spot where the couch is permanently sunk in. It's like Homer Simpson's couch and yes, it's lame. I sat on that very couch yesterday for hours. It was cold in our house and cold out side and I had a headache (I think I was dehydrated). So the headache forced me to sit on the couch and nap and watch movies from the 1990's that were campy. Dinner wasn't much better. We wanted something warm, so Chinese it was.

Today it's still cold outside but atleast we have the sunshine. We will probably get some raking done and yard work including planting some bulbs that we purchased yesterday. I will probably do another post tonight.

Today its still cold out

Friday

I'm starting to realize that I may not get an entry in every day of the week. Last night, Pat and I went to Overture Center to see Wicked. It was great, but not as good as the time I saw it in NYNY.

I broke down and hand Subway for lunch yesterday. I did stick with just a six inch sandwich though and had some Baked Lays. For dinner we went to what we had time for, Cosi. We haven't been to Cosi since they opened down here. I guess I wasn't too impressed by them the first time. I had a melt. It was really yummy and I was so excited to get to the show on time, because we were running a bit late, I couldn't finish it. That was a good thing though because I didnt need all of that.

Today was not the best day really. My hand found it's way into the chocolate stash at work and then pat and I went to BW3's for dinner. I am definitely feeling that dinner now and I feel like crap. Even sick at times. If I listen to my body, it's telling me right now that I shouldnt have had those chips. Maybe I will learn that eating what I ate makes me feel like this and I shouldn't eat it again. I did go for a walk during lunch today because it was a bit stressful at work. That walk was for a little bit more than a mile.

Blah! I'm tired and I have to work in the morning. Goodnight all.

A Good Day

I had a good day today. I saw Miss Donna today. I gave her the link to this blog so hopefully I will have someone else reading it. While I was talking to her, I came up with a great idea for a blog entry..and then promptly lost it. Hopefully it will come back to me sometime during this next year.

I started off the day with some low sugar instant oatmeal with milk. I spent some of my early morning making lunch for my husband and me. My lunch today was a little later than usual, causing me to be very hungry when I actually sat down to eat my sammich on Johnnie Bread. I let myself have a snack of string cheese around 10am. Along with the sandwich, I had some pretzels and a handful of peanuts.

It's been two days since I've had any soda or caffeine. I've been drinking water throughout the day instead. The headaches are coming, I can feel it. It's also been over a week since I've had Subway for lunch. I used to do Subway 3-4 times a week because it's conveniently located across the street from the bank. The last time I lost weight, I pretty much stopped eating Subway except for once a week when I would allow myself a 6in sandwich.

For dinner tonight, I made a dinner salad and then two pieces of frozen pizza. I usually would eat 4 pieces, or half of the pizza while Pat would eat the other half. There are two pieces in the fridge right now, probably saved for dinner on Friday night. Tomorrow is Wicked so Pat and I are going out for dinner after work and before the show. Yay for Wicked.

On a side note, kind of, I did have a cookie after dinner. Does that make this good day a bad day?

Biggest Loser

It's not too often that tv shows make me cry but the Biggest Loser so far this season has been hard. I noticed the majority of the contestants this year are between the ages of 23 and 31, my age group. This scares me but inspires me at the same time. I'm really rooting on Jesse. He is a Minnesota boy that went to same college my husband did, although my husband did not know him.

I walked over my lunch period today. I needed to run to Walgreens to pick up some pills that I had renewed. The walk to Walgreens and back is under a mile so I walked into the neighborhood a bit then to Walgreens for a total of 1.14 miles. After that, I ate my portion controlled lunch and read the newspaper.

I was starving by the time I left work, I grabbed an apple out of the fridge at work to eat on my way home from work. Once home, I ate half a whole wheat bagel and then put on my work out clothes. I turned on the tunes and walked 1.4 miles more. I enjoy walking during work. I noticed that during my lunch break I would eat over the whole hour pretty much. The snacking was getting out of control. So now when I feel the need to snack, I put on my shoes and walk. If I dont walk during that time, I'm actually starting to feel like I'm missing out on something. I'm glad there is going to be nice weather over the next week or so.

My legs hurt today. I'm not sure if its the brand new shoes or what. Its probably a combination of new shoes and me being fricking out of shape.

I got on the scale this morning. I weighed in at 228lbs. This is next to the highest I've ever been and that was 1 1/2 years ago. No more. Ive lost weight before and I know how to do it. I just have to do it again.

Choice

Am I allowed to write two entries in one day? I suppose I am.

Looking through some inspiration this morning, I found a blog that is run by Jack Sh*t, Getting Fit. In this blog, Jack asked other popular diet bloggers what they know now in their older age that they wish they would have known when they were 25. Well, I'm 28 so I figured they would have something that I could use in my own life.

One of the bloggers, Patrick, put it just about perfectly for me. He said that he wish he knew that the word "Choice" is the most empowering word. Here's what he had to say on the topic.

"If I had a dime for every time I was asked, "What I wish I knew at 25 that I know now", well… I’d have a dime.

There is one word that I wish I knew at 25 that I know now (I am 45 today). One word whose power will either create or destroy depending how you use it. Had I known, I would have put it to use a long time ago in creating the me I want now.

When we eat we have a series of choices before us. Choosing to be deliberately aware of our decisions about food engages too our often disjointed physical and mental senses together into a more powerfully responsible decision machine. This deliberate awareness will have us first validate that we are in fact hungry, that our hunger is real and not just a want for more food."

He talks about the deliberate choices we all make about food but I want to apply this to the choices I make every day. Ofcourse including choices about food is important and probably the hardest one for me but having that little one word thought in the back of my head I think will be incredibly helpful. If I need to just remember "choice" in my head, it will be a small reminder of what I need to be thinking about. But I should be able to use this little thought for everything, including getting out to get some activity and making decisions about my day in general.

I've found in the past that I have success with little cues that bring my mind back to focus. I often time lose my focus and just need that little thing to make me remember why I am doing what I am doing. I think this will work for me. I will give it a try.

Currently Listening To: Winter Song by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michelson

Church and Music

Pat and I drove back to Madison this morning from a weekend in the Twin Cities to celebrate our two year wedding anniversary. During the drive I told him about this blog and what it means to me. I talked to him about the things I want to change and the things I want to try. I discovered a couple of things.

There are many things I want to change. Among others, there are two things I want to incorporate back into my life over the next few months, church and music.

I'm Catholic. I was raised this way. Although I don't agree with everything the Catholic church says and does, I don't think I would ever actually leave the Church. Growing up, I went to mass every weekend with my mom and my sister. Sometimes, I would even go to mass twice in one weekend. In elementary school, my mom was a CCD teacher and even my own teacher a couple of times. In Junior High, I taught Sunday school classes with a friend of mine and I was very involved in my own religious education. High school I was even more involved in teaching and catechism. Once I went to college though, the attendance at church dropped. I pretty much stopped going all together. I still went on weekends when I was home visiting my parents and ofcourse during the holidays. After college, more of the same. Pat and I joined a great church in Madison a couple of years ago and we give them money through automatic withdrawal each month but we don't go, and now it's even worse since we live further away. This is something I want us both to be able to change.

Tomorrow I will talk about my music and how I'm going to start bringing it more into my life.

Today was a good day overall. Culver's for lunch, which wasn't so great but Pat and I did get out in the yard to do a bunch of weed pulling and planting of real plants. It is surprising how much of a work out that actually is. Back to work tomorrow. It will be interesting to see if I am able to avoid Subway for lunch and the snack box in the break room.

Blog Purpose

This new blog has a purpose. This purpose was inspired in part by Donna of The Year of Living Healthfully and A Quiet Life.

I'm committing myself to a new path in life.

The past few months since Pat and I moved into our new house I'll admit that I haven't been myself. I've been in the dumps emotionally and physically. Summer is supposed to be a time of activity and joy. My summer was spent inside on the couch while my husband enjoyed the weather outside, I'm sure frustrated that I wasn't joining him in the constant yard work. I hated this summer. It was hot, it was humid and there were lots of mosquitoes. So there I sat, on the couch, in front of the wide screen tv, wearing a dent in the cushions, my jeans getting tighter as the days went on. There were some good times like the actual moving in to the new house and our summer celebration with friends and family around the 4th of July but more of the time I think I was depressed.

As the somewhat chilly weather of Autumn has moved into southern Wisconsin, I have started to feel my brain start to clear. I've discovered that I hate feeling like I am just existing in this life of mine. I'm 28 years old and married to a wonderful man...and I'm just existing. I feel like I'm missing something. I'm not sure what it is but it's time to find that thing or those things I am missing.

I am one of those 20-somethings that didn't discover in college what I wanted to do with my life. I work at a bank, I like it for now so I don't think what I'm missing is a career. A career doesn't always make a person and I definitely am not the type that is defined by a career, or it is that I don't want to be.

I'm overweight. I hate to say it but I am and I have been since the day I graduated from high school. Who ever heard of the Freshman 15...oh and the Sophomore 15, and Junior...maybe Senior 15 too? Every time I've had a major change in my life, I've gained weight. There is one exception, and that was my wedding. I was not happy with how I felt in my wedding dress so I lost about 15 lbs after my wedding and I kept it off for a year and a half. I gained back that weight this summer, the summer of the couch. Ultimate weight loss goal, 60 lbs from where I am this day.

I need to find some extracurricular things to do besides get up in the morning, go to work, come home from work, go to bed and do it all over again the next day. I thought the sorority alumnae group would work for me. I haven't quite decided on that outcome yet.

So, what is the purpose of this new blog "destroying dead ends"? It's just that. I'm not going to let there be dead ends in my life anymore. I'm going to conquer those scary and nervous moments that don't let me move on, the ones that keep me from getting off the couch and make the change. Those dead end moments when I get home from work and think I am just too tired to go for a walk. Those dead ends when I want to eat half a pizza and then regret it after I swallow my last bite.

I don't quite know the details of how I'm going to do it yet. I have set myself some mental but more physical challenges over the next year. I am going to be doing the Lifetime Fitness Turkey Day 5k again this year, but the plan is to jog the whole distance. I also plan on the Krazy Legs 8k in the spring in Madison. The ultimate goal is the Iron Girl Duathlon a year from today. Some of these are large goals but I am sure that I can do it.

New running shoes were purchased yesterday in Minnetonka, a gift from my mother. I'm not really sure if she thinks I am going to follow through this time. I've made commitments like this in the past. And I almost never follow through but I know I need to do this.

Other changes that need to be made are the conscious decisions that need to be made on a constant basis. I need to make good decisions about what goes into my mouth, what I say to people, how I feel when I wake up in the morning, what sort of day I'm going to have, what I buy, how I listen, how to be a good friend, about keeping this blog updated, and how to be a wonderful wife.

Sleepiness is taking over my fingers at this moment, making it a very slow typing process. I will give another post tomorrow when I am home.

Goodnight!